Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Bob:
[Enters the living room with two bottles of beer and two glasses] Here we are.

Wayne:
[Takes a bottle and glass] Oh, thanks, Mr. Hilton.

Bob:
Bob. Call me Bob. [Sits down in an armchair. Wayne sits on the sofa. They start pouring beer into their glasses] No... I never knew Hedley. I wouldn't know him from Adam. He was in Germany when I married Mabel and he never came back. She never speaks about him.

Wayne:
Well, I never knew him myself, squire. See, it was me mates what met him. [Raises his glass and starts to drink.] I brought this. [Takes the tin out of a bag.] Some of his bits and pieces. There' nothing of any value, you know, except sentimental.

Bob:
[On hearing the front door closing] That'll be the wife. Here, put your glass onto the mat, will you? She doesn't like beer stains on the mahogany.

Wayne:
Oh, right. [He does so. Mabel enters the room.]

Bob:
Hello, love. We've got visitors.

Mabel:
Oh, oh yes? I'll just get me things off. [Takes off her coat]

Wayne:
Er... Hello, Mrs. Hilton. My name's Wayne. [He shakes her hand]

Bob:
He comes from Germany.

Mabel:
Oh. Oh, it's not about the roof, then?

Bob:
He knew Hedley.

Mabel:
Hedley?!

Wayne:
Yeah. Some of my mates met him in this hospital.

Bob:
He's dead, Mabel.

Mabel:
[Not reacting to the news] Put the kettle on, dear. [She gives Bob her coat.]

Bob:
Yes, of course, dear. [He grabs his glass of beer and makes for the kitchen]

Wayne:
Look, I'm sorry. But it was quite peaceful, like.

Mabel:
Sit down, young man.

Wayne:
Right. Thanks. [He sits down again. Mabel sits on the armchair.]

Mabel:
How did you say you knew Hedley?

Wayne:
Well, I didn't. Not directly, you see. My mates did. Apparently, he was quite a character, from all accounts. Anyhow, just before he snu... erm, passed on, like, he was showing the lads these things, you know. [Shows her the tin] Photos an' that. That's how we got your address. And, well, me and me mates, we thought he'd like to be buried here in England. [He offers her the tin.]

Mabel:
But if he's died in Germany, he should be buried in Germany, shouldn't he?

Wayne:
Eh? But... he's your brother, ain't he?

Mabel:
That, young man, is my misfortune. Hedley was a wicked, wicked man. He left a wife here in 1943, met up with some German girl, and poor Nora's never heard a word since. Not had a penny, neither! [Scoffs] He always was a wrong 'un. An' I don't expect time's made a farthing's difference.

Wayne:
Hold on, he got turned over by the Army, didn't he? I mean, cashiered for fraternisation.

Mabel:
They chucked him out, if that's what you mean. But it wasn't for fraternisation. It was for selling two thousand British Army headlamps to the Russians!

Wayne:
[In disbelief] Nah...

Mabel:
Oh... He was nothin' more than bad news, our Hedley. And if you and your friends have got him, you can bloody well keep him! [Wayne is left speechless.]