Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Neville:
Poor old Hedley, eh?

Dennis:
"Poor old Hedley"? You're jokin', aren't yer? He were a right little rascal. Aye, he made a fool of us right enough!

Bomber:
He must have fooled a lot more over the years.

Dennis:
He was a little waster, Bomber. He wasn't cashiered, yer kna. Court martialled, man.

Neville:
I still think it's a shame, especially after all the work we've put in. Especially Oz.

Dennis:
Hey, Oz'll be at the airport, I've have to get after him. [Puts down his trowel and starts to run off]

Neville:
Oh, aye, aye.

Bomber:
Wait a minute, Den. [Den stops.] Old Bomber may be on the slow side, but he's given Oz a lot of thought these last few days.

Dennis:
What are you gettin' at?

Bomber:
He had some scheme in mind about selling pornographic videos.

Neville:
Porno videos?

Dennis:
[Thinking back to earlier in the week...] "Adult. Liable to give offence."

Bomber:
I knows that 'cos I saw them in his locker.

Dennis:
Yeah, so? What?

Bomber:
Well, I know they're not there now, 'cos I looked. And I don't want you to think I'm being vindictive just 'cos he mangled my foot, but they're gone. And so's the coffin.

Neville:
The coffin [Finally putting 2 and 2 together...] Oh, hey, I cannae believe that, Bomber!

Dennis:
Can't you, Neville? Eh? Big-hearted Oz, all of a sudden? Sick grandads in London? Makes sense to me!

Bomber:
Now let's look at it this way. If he's really got a sick grandfather, then his trip's worthwhile. But if he's been having us on, he deserves everything he gets!