Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Oz:
Strange quirk of fate this, isn'it? Y'know? I mean... who'd have thought that me, who's always hated Krauts...

Uli:
[Not understanding] You've always hated what?

Oz:
Er... Crowds. Crowds. Traffic. I've always liked the countryside, yer know.

Uli:
Oh. I too. But you were saying about fate.

Oz:
Yeah, well, I mean, who would've thought that I'd be expanding the family empire here in Germany?

Uli:
Where will you live?

Oz:
Well, in a hut. Y'see, we couldn't get any decent hostel accommodation because it co... [Trying to keep to his story] Oh, right! Where will I live? Erm... well... in the mountains, over a river, yer know. A small castle would just about do it. After all, I'm all alone. Where do you live, Uli?

Uli:
Oh... please, I'd rather not talk about me.

Oz:
You're not married, are yer?

Uli:
Divorced.

Oz:
Oh, right, aye. Dennis is gettin' a divorce. That's Dennis, one of the lads who works for us, yer know. Oh, it's costin' him a fortune in maintenance.

Uli:
I try to be independent with money. I have my own job.

Oz:
Have yer?

Uli:
As a beauty consultant.

Oz:
Oh, right, right. Well, that's a canny job, isn'it? Hey, listen, you'll have to do me toenails sometime!

Uli:
[Chuckles] It's hard to be independent with a jealous boyfriend.

Oz:
[Taken aback somewhat] Boyfriend? [Uli nods] What, is he... a big bloke, is he?

Uli:
[Hesitantly] Yes... but he's not so important as you are. I've wanted to leave him for a long time, but, er... he's very possessive.

Oz:
Well, I can be very possessive meself, yer know, when I have to be! I can be when the need arises...

Neville:
[Entering the lounge] Oz, I want a word with you. [Sees Uli] Oh, excuse me, pet. Er, I just want a quick word with the chief here.

Uli:
Oh, is this one of your men?

Oz:
Er... yeah, one of the lads. That's aboot it. [Reaches into his pocket]

Uli:
So, you are in Oz's company?

Neville:
Aye, day and night(!)

Oz:
Yeah, well, look, er... I kna what yer after, son. Listen... [Hands out a fifty mark note] Will fifty do yer?

Neville:
[Taking the money] Oh... thanks, Oz. You're a gentleman!

Oz:
I kna, I kna, but, yer kna... there's no need to tell everybody aboot it, man.

Neville:
Right, er... good night, miss.

Oz:
Now, don't be late in the mornin', will yer? [Neville leaves the bar, a bit confused] Young and daft, yer kna. [Raises his beer] Cheers!