Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Wayne:
He does look relaxed, eh? Done your neck the power of good, has it, sunshine?

Bomber:
[To the barman] Can I have one here, chief? [Asks the others] Is Oz around?

Dennis:
Nah. He's, er... over the hut, helpin' with the decorating.

Neville:
Lyin' on his bed, criticising!

Wayne:
He's very good at interior decor, our Oz(!) [He, Dennis and Neville laugh]

Neville:
[Noticing Bomber is a little bit quiet] What's the matter, Bomb?

Bomber:
It's a bit awkward, and I think this should go no further.

Dennis:
What?

Bomber:
I met Uli tonight.

Wayne:
Uli? What, Oz's Uli?

Neville:
I thought you'd went to a massage parlour, eh?

Bomber:
I did. That's the point.

Dennis:
Never!

Neville:
She works there?!

Bomber:
Head girl, by the looks of it.

Wayne:
I don't believe it. I met her through that Heidi, you know?

Dennis:
What, is she in that game as well?

Wayne:
Nah, nah, nah. She works on the cosmetic counter at Millers, she does. Well, at least I hope she does. Certainly smells like it!

Dennis:
Look, are you sure it was her, Bomber?

Bomber:
Her name was Uli, and I recognised her from the photograph.

Neville:
So... she's not a beauty consultant?

Wayne:
Well, what do you think she does 'round there, son, eh? Facials?

Bomber:
It gets worse. According to my mate Dieter, who took me there, her boyfriend's the bloke that owns the place. Nasty piece of work, he looks.

Neville:
So, she lied to 'im.

Dennis:
That makes two of 'em, doesn't it?

Wayne:
Well, I call it poetic jutsice meself.

Neville:
Are we ganna tell 'im?

Dennis:
[Noticing everyone looking at him] I suppose I'll have to, eh?

Neville:
Oz might be very upset, yer kna. Emotionally, like.

Wayne:
That's a sobering thought, ain't it, eh?