Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Wayne:
[To the barman] A large cognac, please, chief. [Notices Dennis] Hello, Den. What are you doin' here?

Dennis:
Nightcap.

Wayne:
Yeah? Me too. D'you want another?

Dennis:
Scotch, please.

Wayne:
[To the barman] That's a large Scotch too, please, squire. [To Dennis] I thought you were stayin' out all night.

Dennis:
No, I changed me mind. [Wayne goes over to Dennis. The barman puts their drinks on the bar]

Wayne:
Things not work out with, er, Dagmar and your old lady, then?

Dennis:
[Shakes his head] I thought I was just being above board, yer kna, straight and honest. Vera said I was showin' off.

Wayne:
Showin' off?

Dennis:
Showin' off Dagmar. I mean, she's a smart lass, isn't she? Attractive and honest. I dunno, that's probably what I was doin'. [Coughs]

Wayne:
Well, she is rather special, that Dagmar, ain't she? Mind you, so is her mate.

Dennis:
Christa? Hey, you an' me've... collared the clerical staff, havvn't we? Eh?

Wayne:
I wish I had, Den.

Dennis:
No? Things not work out, like?

Wayne:
She wouldn't let me get near her, would she? Mind you, I didn't want to, y'know. No, I didn't want to sort of come on strong and jump it, like.

Dennis:
Hey, you're slippin', aren't yer?

Wayne:
I'm smitten, Den. Now listen, don't tell the lads, right? Now, I can confide in you, can't I? Now I know you've probably got your own problems and all that, but I can bend your ear a bit, can't I?

Dennis:
Just carry on, bonny lad, I havvn't a care in the world, me(!)

Wayne:
Yeah, well, look, I'm serious about this Christa, right. I know it's madness, but I'm really bowled over. Now, don't tell the lads, eh?

Dennis:
My lips are sealed, all right?

Wayne:
I get embarrased just thinking about it, you know? "It'll never happen to me," I said. It bloody has, ain't it?

Dennis:
Hey... you really are serious, aren't yer?

Wayne:
I'm deadly serious, Den. Of course, er, never having been in this situation before, it's pretty hard to be certain about the symptoms. [Dennis chuckles] But I think... well, listen, I'm positive, sunbeam, that this is it. It's devastating, mate. Devastating.

Dennis:
Ahh, it's not the end of the world, that, man. Go for it!

Wayne:
Yeah, but I can't fathom it, can I? And the trouble is, we're shipping out in a week or two, ain't we?

Dennis:
So?

Wayne:
So I've gotta decide whether to go home or chance me arm here, ain't I?

Dennis:
Yeah, you're not the only one that's gotta make that decision.

Wayne:
You too?

Dennis:
[Nods his head] Mmm-hmm.

Wayne:
You mean home or Dagmar?

Dennis:
[Shakes his head] I mean Vera or Dagmar.

Wayne:
[Exhales] Blimey, Dennis. What are we gonna do?

Dennis:
Well, I was about to get pissed. You care to join me? [They chuckle]