Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Magowan:
Oi, Geordie! Alone, are ya?

Dennis:
What are you doin' here, Magowan?

Magowan:
Same thing as you by the looks of it - getting pissed. [Points to the man sat next to Dennis] Hey, you, geh' weg. (Get lost.)

German drinker:
Komm?

Magowan:
Geh' weg! [Pulls the German drinker out of his seat and sits in his spot]

Dennis:
[Surly] Join me, why don't you?!

Magowan:
Thanks.

Dennis:
So I thought you were out of the country, avoiding the law.

Magowan:
Naah, I'm not lettin' any poxy German court kick me out of town, you know. Thought I'd just lie low for a couple of days, avoid the construction sites, like, you know. I might be a marked man, like.

Dennis:
That's a reasonable assumption in the circumstances. So what you doin' for Deutschmarks then, eh? Couldn't have got much for our dartboard!

Magowan:
Ahh, I'm sorry about that. Eh, I left the darts though, didn't I?!

[Oz enters the bierkeller looking for Dennis. Meanwhile, a barman puts two beers on Dennis and Magowan's table from a tray full of beers]

Magowan:
Oh ya, stupid Eric, leave the tray here, will ya? [Takes the tray off the barman] Just, you know, put it on the old slate there, will ya? D'you understand? [The barman writes a note and leaves it with Magowan. The German workers spot Dennis.] This should do us for a while, eh?

Oz:
[Oz enters and spots Dennis and Magowan] Bloody hell! Magowan? [Magowan finishes his first beer in one]

Dennis:
Another one? Good thing I drink with you, Magowan, eh? You get good service! [Oz turns away so he is not spotted] So what are you actually doing, then?

Magowan:
I'm workin' as a bouncer, you know, at this gay nightclub. Any of them Ericas get out of order, you know, I have to...

Dennis:
Drag them?

Magowan:
Yeah, that's right, drag them down the stairs, you know, kick 'em into the alley.

Dennis:
Aye, is it voluntary work, like?

Magowan:
Twenty quid a night, like, and all I can drink.

Dennis:
It must cost 'em nearly a hundred pound a night then, eh?

Magowan:
Listen, Geordie, I'm only drinkin' with you 'cos you're a Brit. Don't take the piss, okay? Otherwise I'd treat you just the same as I do with the customers.

Dennis:
Oh, they get customers, do they?! I'm surprised you haven't frightened them all off!

Magowan:
Right. [Points to the tray of beers] As soon as I've finished this lot, I'm gonna give you a thumping.

Dennis:
Ah thump, thump, thump away! What do I care, Magowan?

Magowan:
You're tired of life, aren't ya?

Dennis:
Aye, you could say that! [The German workers approach Dennis]

German worker:
Ahh, du bumst für die Dagmar, nicht? [Dennis looks up] Also, ist es dir recht wenn wir sie besuchen gehen? (Ahh, you're the one fucking Dagmar, are you? So is it okay if we go visit her?)

Magowan:
Sounds like a couple of Erics asking for trouble, if you ask me.

Dennis:
Just stay out of this, Magowan, I'll handle this. Nicht verstehen, bonny lad! (I don't understand.)

German worker:
[Gets in Dennis's face] Go home with your wife. We will have Dagmar.

Magowan:
Sounds like he's provoking you. D'you want me to sort him out for ya?

Dennis:
You just stay out of this, Magowan, I'll handle this.

Magowan:
You're not hard enough for this.

Dennis:
Aren't I? [Punches the German worker]

Magowan:
Eh, not bad. [A nearby German drinker smashes his glass and goes for Dennis. Oz spots him.]

Oz:
Dennis! Dennis! [Runs to confront the would-be attacker in what has now turned into a bar brawl]