Better Call Saul, Season 3

[Jimmy is confronted in his office by Bauer, the Air Force captain he tricked to shoot his commercial]

Jimmy:
Hello, hello. It's so good to see you again.

Captain Bauer:
I escorted you and your "clients" onto my base. I treated you with hospitality and respect. And I come to find every word out of your mouth is a damn lie.

Jimmy:
Captain, please. Why– Sit down, take a load off. Hey, I'll get you a complimentary coffee or a soft drink–

Captain Bauer:
And your so-called war hero, Fudge Talbot? No such person, never was.

Jimmy:
Granted, some artistic license may have been taken.

Captain Bauer:
You entered government property under false pretenses, sir.

Jimmy:
Now, whoa, whoa, whoa– I am no expert on your procedures and your protocols and whatnot, so if we failed to cross a T or dot an I, I sincerely apologize for any misunderstanding.

Captain Bauer:
No, it's not a misunderstanding!

Jimmy:
Step back! Now picture this, okay? What damage was done? Hey. Who was hurt, huh? Who's damaged? The base is still there, right? The B-52 is, I presume, still at—

Captain Bauer:
B-29.

Jimmy:
Huh?

Captain Bauer:
B-29. FIFI is a B-29. [Jimmy scoffs] Oh, this is all just one big joke to you, huh?

Jimmy:
You don't like the commercial.

Captain Bauer:
No, no I don't. But this has nothing with do with the c—

Jimmy:
Well, constructive criticism is always welcome.

Captain Bauer:
But I just—

Jimmy:
But you should realize that most people find it uplifting. Patriotic, even.

Captain Bauer:
I—I...

Jimmy:
You check your recruiting numbers, though. I think you're gonna see an uptick. And you know what? If it turns out that Fudge wasn't actually in the war—

Captain Bauer:
Fudge is not a person. He wasn't in the war.

Jimmy:
Well, neither was Tom Cruise. And look at what Top Gun did for you.

Captain Bauer:
You lied to me. You lied to my face, and I can't let you get away with it.

Jimmy:
I—I think we just—We're just gonna have to agree to disagree. So can we get you that coffee to go, or...

Captain Bauer:
No, no! I'm gonna tell you what's happening now. You're gonna take that ad off the air. And if you play that ad one more time, I'm gonna go to the Judge Advocate and we will take you down. Trespassing, false representation, stolen valor, the whole nine yards.

Jimmy:
Seriously? For eight seconds of a TV commercial?

Captain Bauer:
You take that ad down, or there'll be hell to pay. That clear enough for you?

Jimmy:
[beat] Make me.

Captain Bauer:
Yeah?

Jimmy:
Yeah.

Captain Bauer:
Make you?

Jimmy:
Yeah, let's do this! You bring your commander down here and I'll explain to him how you let us on the base, red carpet treatment.

Captain Bauer:
B—b—because you lied your way in!

Jimmy:
Not how I remember it, and I got witnesses to back me up! Do you like being an Air Force captain, huh? Do you think the United States wants to bring action against an old man in a wheelchair?

Captain Bauer:
He was standing on TV! He wasn't even in a wheelchair!

Jimmy:
Yeah, well, periodically he is. And when he shows up at court, you better believe he'll be in a wheelchair!

Captain Bauer:
Because you're an ambulance-chasing piece of shit, 'cause you're always the same. You're always–

Jimmy:
Always on a high horse, always trying to make me feel like I'm... [beat; catches himself and calms down] Look, um... I'm a lawyer, and this is what I do all day, every day. So how about this. I—I won't fly jet planes, you stay out of court. Does that sound good?

Captain Bauer:
You know, guys like you... you think you're so damn smart, and you think you don't have to play straight with anybody. The wheel is gonna turn. It always does.

[Jimmy opens his office door for Bauer to leave]