Bottom, Series 3

Eddie:
Hey, my Great Uncle was in the Great War.

Richie:
What do mean 'Great War', there aren't any great wars, they were all frightful.

Eddie:
Alright then he was in the crap war!

Richie:
Wow! The crap war! Far out! Which side was he on?

Eddie:
Both.

Richie:
Wow!

Eddie:
Well it depended on which direction he was facing at the time y'know. Had a little bit of a drink problem. He took out a machine-gun nest single-handly you know!

Richie:
Did he?

Eddie:
Yeah...But they made him bring it back, he was trying to flog it to the Germans

Richie:
Hey, wasn't he the last bloke shot before the Armistice?

Eddie:
Yes, that's right. Just firing off a few rounds in celebration but... stupid twat had his gun the wrong way round. Oh, they don't make 'em like Great Uncle Susan any more.

Richie:
That's marvellous stuff Eddie, but... what the fuck's it got to do with anything?

Eddie:
It's gas!

Richie:
Yes, I know it's gas. I'm not a complete tosser.

Eddie:
Yes, you are.

Richie:
Well, I am a complete tosser, yes, but what d'you mean?