Bottom, Series 3

Richie (being asked questions for a pointless questionnaire):
Action!

Eddie:
Weight!

Richie (enraged):
Weight?! What are you implying? I live on Sweetex! I'm still wearing the same pair of trousers I was when I was 17!

Eddie:
Only because you've sewn the living room curtains into the waistband.

Richie:
I could still pass for 17!

Eddie:
Stones! Now wait!

Richie:
No. I refuse to answer! This is an outrage!

Eddie:
No! Wait there, while I get another pen! This one's fucked!

Richie:
Well, I didn't do it! Do I look like a biro molester?!

Eddie:
Richie, have you seen my felt tip?

Richie (frantically):
No, Eddie, no, I've never seen your felt tip. No, I've only seen you naked once. I fell straight into a coma and had to go to therapy for six years. Every time I think of you naked, I've had to close my eyes when I walk past a butcher's window. I shall never eat tripe again!