Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2

Jake:
Wait for it...wait for it...9:01. Amy Santiago is officially late for the first time ever. Alright, let's do this. Who's got theories?

Terry:
Uh...alarm didn't go off.

Jake:
All three alarms? All with battery backup? Come on, who wants to take this seriously?

Boyle:
Ooh! She was taken in her sleep.

Jake:
That's what I'm talking about! Super dark, Boyle, but way more plausible than the Sarge's idiotic alarm clock theory.

Diaz:
I bet she tucked herself into bed too tight and got stuck.

Gina:
Maybe she fell into another dimension where she's interesting.

Holt:
It's 9 a.m. Why is no one working?

Jake:
Amy Santiago is a few minutes late, and we're all trying to guess why.

Holt:
I like to play. I'd say she's in line at the bank. This is fun.

Jake:
It is fun, but you're all wrong. She clearly slipped through a subway grate and is having terrible sex with a mole man.

[Amy enters]

Jake:
There she is. Amy! Where have you been? We've been worried sick! Do you care to explain yourself?!

Amy:
I'm just seventy seconds late! It's not a big deal. Don't worry about it.

Holt:
Santiago, you will tell us, and you will tell us now.

Amy:
...There was a problem at the bank.

Holt:
[claps] HOT DAMN!