Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2

Jake:
Full disclosure, your Honor. Last night Miss Perez and I got inebriated and we had colitis.

Judge Marinovich:
Colitis?

Sophia:
Coitus.

Jake:
Yeah, that.

Judge Marinovich:
A cop and a defense attorney sleeping together? That's highly unusual.

Jake:
At the time I did not know she was a defense attorney. I should have been able to guess, however, based on her ability to lie all over me.

Sophia:
Ha ha! Oh, cop's attempt to be clever. It's like watching a horse trying to eat with a fork.

Jake:
Majestic and hilarious? Take a cold shower, horn-dog, we're at work! But in all seriousness, your honor, I do think she should recuse herself from the trial.

Sophia:
Why? You think I might tell everyone in the courtroom that you like to be the little spoon?

Jake:
[Defensive] Everyone likes to be the little spoon; it makes you feel safe! Carl, back me up on this.

Kurm:
Yes. Little spoon all the way.

Jake:
See?

Sophia:
Look, I am not recusing myself. I talked to my client about it and he is fine with me staying on.

Judge Marinovich:
If the defendant is okay with it, and you two can be mature in the courtroom, then I see no reason why we can't proceed.

Jake:
Great. I can be mature.

Sophia:
Says the guy who uses a sunglasses case as a wallet.

Jake:
Stuff can be two things! Open up your refrigerator, boom! Air conditioner! Life hacked! Carl, back me up.

Kurm:
I mean, it's not very green.

Jake:
Oh, Carl.