Coupling, Series One

Sally:
Mary Kelly, does not fancy you!

Patrick:
I can tell from the way she acts around me. She finds me attractive.

Sally:
Is there any form of female behavior you don't interpret as finding you attractive?

Patrick:
It's never really come up.

Susan:
If you two are finished. I thought you wanted to speak to me.

Patrick:
Yeah, yeah, I do. [To Sally] Could you give us a minute? [Sally gets up to leave and then turns around] Mary Kelly thinks you're a complete idiot.

Patrick:
Then why does she keep looking at my arse when we're talking?

Sally:
She's lip-reading. [She leaves]

Patrick:
We need to talk.

Susan:
Sure.

Patrick:
About out relationship. I'm just starting to think it's getting a bit hot and heavy. And we both need to back off and cool down. You know, maybe we should just both think about where everything's going and whether we're starting to commit more than we intend to or want to.

Susan:
What relationship?

Patrick:
I can't believe you!

Susan:
Well, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings! I just never saw it as a relationship as such. I just thought we were having a bit of fun, a bit of sex.

Patrick:
Well, yeah, I mean, that's what I thought. I mean, that's pretty much the way I see it.

Susan:
Well, there you are then.

Patrick:
Yeah.

Susan:
I mean, it's not as if we're being faithful or anything. Oops. I'm so sorry, I had no idea.

Patrick:
It's fine.

Susan:
We were only seeing each other once a week. That's not exactly a sex life. You must have been doing a lot of solo flights.

Patrick:
No, I wasn't!

Susan:
Oh, come on!

Patrick:
I certainly was not! I was saving it all up for you!

Susan:
No, really? Oops. [Buries face in hand and collapses back on the couch] Look, I'm not saying it wasn't good. I'm just saying it didn't seem like a week's worth. [Patrick glances over] Oh, no, don't look like that! Not everyone has my level of sex drive! I mean, for a start, you're a bloke...

Patrick:
All right, all right, I wasn't going to say anything, but actually, I've been seeing someone else, too.

Susan:
You've been cheating on me?

Patrick:
What?

Susan:
Is this true, Patrick?

Patrick:
But you were cheating on me!

Susan:
I wasn't cheating, I wasn't being faithful. You were being faithful. And that means, you were cheating. And I thought I knew you.

Susan:
This is Patrick, This is Jeff who works in my office.

Patrick:
Hi, right, good to meet you. [Steve runs through the establishment with Jane in hand behind him]

Jeff:
So, how do you know Susan then? [Sally pops up from behind]

Sally:
She just dumped him!

Jeff:
Oh, great.

Susan:
Oh, sounds like my cue for a loo break. Excuse me a sec.

Jeff:
So, dumped and still here, eh? So, you're an unflushable. [Patrick coils back]