Coupling, Series One

[Susan and Jeff are the office place]

Susan:
Jeff.

Jeff:
Hello.

Susan:
That, uh, that Steve guy. How well do you know him? Are you close?

Jeff:
Close? We're porn buddies.

Susan:
Porn buddies?

Jeff:
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Susan:
Is this code? Were you two in prison together or something?

Jeff:
No, no, no, it's a safety precaution. You know, like, a scuba diver dives with a buddy, in case he runs out of air.

Susan:
Ok, so are you telling me a porn buddy stands by with oxygen?

Jeff:
[Laughs] No. Many years ago, Steve and I exchanged house keys.

Susan:
Are you sure this isn't code?

Jeff:
It's not code. In the event of Steve's death, the first thing I will do, upset though I will be, is go straight to his house and remove all the pornography before his parents can find it.

Susan:
You're kidding.

Jeff:
And he's pledged to do the same for me. That's how close we are.

Susan:
You guys have seriously made arrangements to destroy your dirty mags?

Jeff:
Who said destroy? "Remove".

Susan:
Yeah, but, you wouldn't keep them, would you?

Jeff:
Well, it's a perk.

Susan:
Oh, Jeff. [She turn around and walks away]

Jeff:
That's the beauty of it, you see. [He follows her] Your best friend's dead, but there's a bright side.

Susan:
[She sits down] You're trying to put me off him, aren't you?

Jeff:
No way, why would I do that?

Susan:
I know it was a long time ago, but, um, you and me?

Jeff:
Yeah, wll, that didn't really work out, did it?

Susan:
I'll never understand why I made you so nervous. I've never seen anyone looks so terrified.

Jeff:
It's all in the past, that. Please forget about it. [Phone rings and Susan answers it]

Susan:
Oh, talk of the devil. Hi, Steve. [Jeff gets up looking anxious] No, just talking about you with Jeff, your buddy. Um, tomorrow evening? Tomorrow evening would be fine, yes. May have to be a bit later. I'm supposed to be having a facial. Okay, then we can have a good long chat about Jeff.