Dan Vs., Season 1

[Dan, Elise, and Chris are at the Dinner theatre watching a particularly bad performance of Romeo and Juliet]

Dan:
Oh, this is terrible, come on! [everyone tells him to be quiet] Why are they shushing me? It's those Apple Johns onstage who are butchering the material.

Man:
[walks up to Dan] Please be quiet. You're disturbing the other patrons. [spills the soup on Dan's lap] Oops.

Dan:
OW! You scalded me, you jackanape!

Man:
Sir, I've already asked you to keep it down.

Theater Main Actor:
What clodpole disturbs the traffic of our stage?

Nervous Actor:
[walks up to Dan] Alright, sir, it is time for you to make haste.

Dan:
You don't tell me what to make. Unhand me! [gets thrown out of the dinner theatre] Throw me out? I'll throw you out, stupid hacks, misinterpreting the material. [the police officer walks up to him] It's the Bard, for crying out loud. No respect.

Police Officer:
Sir, there's no loitering here.

Dan:
I'm not loitering. I was thrown out of the theater for having taste, and now I'm waiting for my friends. Well, my friend and his wife.

Police Officer:
Sure, you are. Listen, sir, although I'm concerned with the plight of the homeless--

Dan:
[yelling] I'M NOT HOMELESS!

Police Officer:
[gives Dan a ticket] Then here's your ticket for loitering.

Dan:
Loitering?

Police Officer:
Move along, sir. Don't make me arrest you.

Dan:
It's never-ending with this place. Got the cops on the take. [walks off]