Dan Vs., Season 1

Dan:
[voiceover] Attention!

Clerk:
[falls over from his chair] Who are you suppose to be?

Dan:
[dressed up wearing a marching band costume] I'm General... Anesthesia, commander-in-chief of the Salvation Armed Forces.

Clerk:
Well, I have never heard of you.

Dan:
Well, sure, that's because - SCORPIONS! [throws bucket of scorpions on him, causing him to scream] Oh, calm down. They only sting when you scream.

Clerk:
I CAN'T STOP SCREAMIN'!

[Dan leaves the clerk's building and begins talking through a walkie talkie]

Dan:
[through a walkie-talkie] The football is in play. The football is in play. Over.

Walkie-Talkie:
Was that the code?

Dan:
[through a walkie-talkie] Yes! Over!

Walkie-Talkie:
I forgot what that one meant.

Dan:
[through a walkie-talkie] It means I have disabled the guard, and you guys can come out now! Over!

Walkie-Talkie:
Oh, right. Gotacha!

Dan:
[through a walkie-talkie] NO! You don't say "gotcha". It's "Roger".

Walkie-Talkie:
Oh, right. Gotcha!

Dan:
Oh, I hate that guy.

Walkie-Talkie:
Hey Roger? The radio's still on.