Dan Vs., Season 1

Hiram:
Home, sweet home.

Dan:
Lovely place you have here.

Hiram:
Now, if you boys are thirsty, that kettle's where I sterilize my drinking water.

Chris:
Actually, I am a bit parched.

Hiram:
It's also where I take my baths.

Dan:
What time is it, by the way?

Hiram:
Well, let's see. According to the stars, it's nigh on 8:53.

Dan:
Where's your television? My stories are about to come on.

Hiram:
Television? Oh, not in my house. Tell you what, why don't you entertain yourself with my zoetrope?

Dan:
[while looking at Hiram's zoetrope] So does this guy ever blow up or something? I mean there's not even a story arc.

Hiram:
I got one of a plus-sized woman in a bubble bath. But it's... ahh, it's for my eyes only, if you get me.

Chris:
[flatly] We get you.