Dan Vs., Season 1

[Dan gets ready to have his haircut]

Dan:
One haircut, my good man, and make me look dashing. Sounds like somebody's got a date. Well, hop up. I do have a date. She's cute, and she likes zombie spaghetti westerns, a cinematic subgenre of which I consider myself a connoisseur. We are going to see "A Fistful of Brains" tonight. She sounds like the perfect girl. Don't I know it. And pretty too.

Barber:
Why do you have her driver's license?

Dan:
To run a background check, make sure she's not a serial killer or an organ donor. They don't always wait till you're dead, you know. Possibly the future ex-Mrs. Dan if she plays her cards right.

Barber:
Well, don't worry. I'll make sure you look nice and handsome for your date. [cuts his hair with a razor offscreen]

Dan:
[inside the barber shop] NOOOO! You made me a monster!

Barber:
Wait! You forgot your lollipop!

[Dan runs off and hides his haircut]