Dan Vs., Season 1

Dan:
I just want to go to the Renaissance Faire with my best friend, and your parents are getting in the way of that.

Elise:
You think they're inconveniencing you? Ever since I was a kid, nothing I've ever done has been good enough. Straight A's, full scholarships, captain of every conceivable team the schools had, everything never enough. Why do you think I became a top operative in a shadowy, quasi governmental organization?

Dan:
Wait, what was that?

Elise:
What? Oh, never mind. The point is my parents will have a perfect week and for once not have anything to criticize me about.

Dan:
You know you married Chris, right? Well, what am l supposed to do with this bag of common household rats?

Elise:
Don't you even think about it.

Dan:
Come on. I spent all day collecting these little guys.

Elise:
Let's establish some ground rules. 1. You will not mess up my house in any way.

Dan:
Fine.

Elise:
2. You will not cause my parents bodily harm of any kind. 3. You will not set anything they own on fire.

Dan:
Oh, come on!

Elise:
4. If and when you engage them in conversation, you will be polite and pleasant. If you aren't, they'll need dental records to identify your body. You get me?

Dan:
Joke's on you. I don't have dental records.

Elise:
And take those rats somewhere else! [leaves]