Dan Vs., Season 2

[Dan is hanging out with Hortence and her friends]

Hortence:
This is the best bridal shower ever, you guys.

Red Girl:
You are going to make such a beautiful bride.

Blonde Girl:
I love the china pattern you picked out. Don't you Dan?

Dan:
Huh? Oh, sure. China pattern. Hortence, have you really thought about what you're doing?

Hortence:
Uh, like, of course.

Dan:
I mean, there's such a big age difference between you two. Have you read the statistics about these things working out?

Blonde Girl:
Dan!

Dan:
Or the statistical probability that someone who eats burgers for every meal is going to make it past 50?

Hortence:
Jeremiah's as healthy as a horse.

Dan:
And why is he marrying someone so much younger, anyway? I think he's hiding something. Maybe you should call off the wedding until you figure out what it is. Just sayin'.

Red Girl:
Oh, he's doing a roast! [laughs] How funny!

Hortence:
Oh! Okay. For a second there, I thought you were being really mean for no reason.

Dan:
I was just pointing out-

Blonde Girl:
You know what we should do? Give Dan a makeover!

Dan:
What? No.

Hortence:
Yes!

Red Girl:
Too much fun!

Dan:
[voiceover] I DON'T WANT A MAKEOVER! [outside, Chris picks him up and his face is covered with makeup by Hortence and the girls] You laugh, I attack.

Chris:
So, how was the bridal shower? [Dan punches him] Stop it! You're getting your makeup on me!

Dan:
It's not my makeup! This was done against my will!

Chris:
It's a good look for you.

Dan:
Not 1 more word. They rouged me, Chris. I have been rouged! This is war.

Chris:
And hey, you've already got your war paint. [Dan punches him]