Dan Vs., Season 2
[Dan and Chris are at Hortence's wedding]
Chris:
Oh yes, thank you. [eats the shrimp puffs]
Dan:
There's no time for that!
Chris:
There's always time for shrimp puffs.
Dan:
I need you to tell the Best Man there's a telephone call for him.
Chris:
Mine. Sir, there's a telephone call for you.
Jeremiah:
Hurry back, we're all waiting to hear your Best Man toast.
Chris:
[to a lady who walks up to him] Get your own!
[Dan captures a man as he covers him with a bag and puts him in the closet punching him]
Hortence:
There's my bridesman!
Dan:
Hortence, I need to talk to you. [using the microphone] Actually, I need to talk to all of you. I may not be the Best Man, but I'm the only man for this job.
Jeremiah:
Hello Dan, nice to see you! I heard you were going to be in our wedding!
Dan:
You sir are a fraud!
[everyone gasps]
Jeremiah:
What?!
Chris:
Dan! We're NOT making a scene, remember? We're leaving. As soon as I'm done with these canapes.
[Dan walks up to Hortence]
Hortence:
Dan, what are you doing?
Dan:
I'm sorry, Hortence, but you can't marry Jeremiah Burger. He's been lying to you.
Jeremiah:
I most certainly have not!
Dan:
He has, and I have proof. [shows Hortence and Jeremiah a picture] Ladies and gentlemen of the wedding, Jeremiah Burger has been married, not once, not twice, but 6 times! So, come on. You can cry on my shoulder in the car.
Hortence:
Did you think I didn't know that!
Dan:
Uh, what?
Hortence:
I've met all of his exes. We're friends. That's them right there! [pan to Jeremiah's exes]
Dan:
Oh.
Jeremiah:
This really is unacceptable behavior. Especially from a bridesmaid.
[Dan gets kicked out by 2 men from the wedding]
Dan:
Sheesh. Try to help someone out, and this is the thanks you get.
Hortence:
[comes over] I have never been so humiliated in all my life! You ruined my rehearsal dinner! I thought you were my friend.
Dan:
Hortence, I just need to tell you something before you go through with this. I know you feel the same way about me that I do about you. I I--
Hortence:
[angrily] I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAAAAIN!
Dan:
That's not how I feel about you!
Submitted by wikidude on June 03, 2024
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