Dan Vs., Season 3

Elise:
Dan! How did you get here?

Dan:
If you thought I couldn't chew my way through duct tape, you don't know me as well as you think.

Chris:
What?

Dan:
That's right, Chris, your wife has joined the conspiracy to stop me from being here.

Elise:
Only because I love you.

Dan:
Ew cooties. Break it up. I need you to create a diversion so I can sneak inside. Chris, do that stupid fight song. You know "rah rah, whoo whoo". The one that makes you look like a complete idiot.

Elise:
I thought it was peppy.

Chris:
Dan, if you want to come in, buy a ticket and get a name tag. But then my attack won't be a surprise! You really have no sense of theater. [sees his friends walk by] It's Perry and Rajneesh. From the A.V. club. Hey guys! [runs over to them]

Elise:
Come in, Dan. No one's looking.

Dan:
[comes in from the window] I'm glad you can put your personal agenda aside and--- [Elise grabs him and puts him inside the locker] Ow!

Elise:
Chris is going to make new friends tonight. Friends who call before they come over. Who returns the things they barrow. Friends who aren't wanted by Interpol. [punches the locker and walks away]

Dan:
[inside the locker] Trapped in a locker? This is just like high school!