Dan Vs., Season 3

[Dan gets pulled over when a police officer shows up]

Police Officer:
Do you know why I pulled you over?

Dan:
No, officer. I wasn't speeding and my hands never stayed from the 10 and 2 position. Not even when I sneezed.

Police Officer:
Your plates have expired. License and registration.

Dan:
[while looking for his license and registration] Burgerphile receipt, Burgerphile receipt, Burgerphile receipt, Burgerphile receipt, Burgerphile receipt. What's this? Hey, Ninja Dave's receipt.

Police Officer:
How about we start with your license? [Dan gives his license to him] Bad hair day, huh?

Dan:
I'm sorry, did I get pulled over by the fashion police?

Police Officer:
This license is expired.

Dan:
But my voter registration is completely up to date. Good citizen.

Police Officer:
I'll have to write you a "fix-it" ticket. You'll need to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles and get this all sorted out.

Dan:
This is an outrage! I demand you tear up that ticket at once!

Police Officer:
Stay in your car, sir!

Dan:
I will not! My friend Chris pays taxes and those taxes pay your salary! [the officer sprays pepper in his face] Pepper spray? Really? Do I look like a five year-old?

Police Officer:
Sir, if you don't calm down, I'll be happy to upgrade to my nightstick.

Dan:
But I wasn't doing anything wrong!

Police Officer:
Hey, I don't make the rules. Blame the DMV.

Dan:
DMV!

Police Officer:
Ooh, and I am going to have cite you for noise violation. [gives Dan another ticket for noise violation and drives away]