Dan Vs., Season 3

Chris:
There's nothing like a great ski trip! Just you, me, the snow and-

Dan:
Can we get some heat back here?

Elise:
And Dan.

Dan:
If I get frost bite, you're buying me new toes.

Chris:
Well it was either bring him along or risk him sabotaging the trip.

Dan:
Obviously. Do you know how it feels to be left behind? And besides, why wouldn't you bring me? I love skiing. [sees a lot of people skiing] Wait...what are these people doing?

Chris:
Uh, they're skiing.

Dan:
THIS is skiing? What's the one where you shoot clay discs with a rifle?

Elise:
You mean skeet shooting?

Dan:
Yeah! That's the one I like! I despise skiing.

Chris:
Have you ever tried it?

Dan:
You know how I feel about trying things.

Chris:
Well, I guess we should have known better. Shall we pack it up and go?

Elise:
Hold on. It's just a 1 night trip. Dan, you can survive 1 night. And why don't you make the most of it? Skiing's a lot of fun.

Dan:
If you want to dress up like an astronaut and get a concussion that's your business, but I didn't take my stupid pills this morning, so if you think-- [cut to him, Chris, and Elise at the ski lift] --that I'm going to strand myself at the top of a mountain with those snow hippies, you are very wrong.

Chris:
Well, we're almost to the top, so you may as well give it a shot. [he and Elise leave to ski]

Dan:
How do you stop this thing? Hurling myself down a mountain at terminal velocity goes against every natural instinct in my body. And that guy's.

Chris:
It's easy. If you want to go forward, just make your skis look like french fries. See? And if you want to stop, you just make your skis look like pizza.

Dan:
Is there anything that doesn't remind you of food?

Chris:
Speaking of which, I've already worked up a bit of an appetite. I wonder if you can tell if the snack bar is open from up here.

Dan:
Uh, Chris? Chris? [goes down skiing]

Chris:
Yeah?

Dan:
Where's the emergency brake on this thing?

Little Girl:
Mommy, mommy take my picture! Take my-- [gets caught with Dan] Mommy!!!

Dan:
Man, this place is a death tra-AAH! SKIIII TRRRIIIPPP!!! [falls down and lands in the snow] Ow ow ow!