Everybody Loves Raymond, Season 1

[Robert enters dressed as Santa Claus]

Robert:
Merry Christmas! Is Ally here? I understand there are doubts about me in this house! [to Ray] Ho, Ho, Ma told me what you did... nice.

Ray:
There are now. Come on, Robert--

Robert:
No, you have me mistaken for some other party for I am jolly old Saint Nick.

[Ally walks in]

Debra:
Look, Ally, it's Santa Claus.

Ally:
Santa?

Robert:
Yes, it is really I, and I came to see you Ally because I heard you were a very good girl this year and you're going to get everything you want. [to Ray] Unlike some other people. [in disgust] Ho ho ho ho ho.

Ray:
Hold the ho's, I want to talk to you for a minute.

Robert:
I'm sorry, I'm with a client. And you may call me Mr. Claus.

[Frank enters, dressed as Santa]

Frank:
Where's Ally?

[Frank notices Robert]

Frank:
Ho-ho-holy crap. What are you doing here?

Robert:
I'm Santa Claus.

Frank:
You're Santa?

Ray:
Okay, will you guys cut it out already. She's confused enough as it is.

Frank:
What's there to be confused about? I'm the real Santa! Who is this impostor?

Debra:
Well, you couldn't both be Santa. You must be Santa's helpers.

Frank:
Right! He's my helper. Helper, why don't you warm up the reindeer and bring the sled around?

Robert:
I bet you can't even name the reindeer.

Frank:
Rudolph! Donner, Blitzen... those are the main ones. We rotate them so they wear evenly. Cupid! Ajax! And... Lefty!

Robert:
Now we know the truth.

[Ally pulls off Robert's Santa beard]

Ally:
It's Uncle Robert!

Robert:
[in Santa voice] No, no. I have merely assumed the body of a life form suitable to you.

Ray:
Robert, you're Santa, not a Klingon.