Family Guy, Season 10

Quagmire:
Guys, what the hell am I gonna do? She can't marry that prick! He's just gonna keep beating her and he's gonna beat the kid too! God, I wish she'd never met Jeffery Fecalman!

Peter:
You know, I was thinking... Wait, what?

Quagmire:
What?

Peter:
That's his name?

Quagmire:
Yeah.

Peter:
Huh-larious. But you know what, I was thinking this afternoon, what the hell happened to the days where a guy does something like that to a girl, and a bunch of us guys get together and just go kick his fucking ass?

Joe:
Boy, that'd be satisfying.

Quagmire:
Well, why not?

Peter:
What do you mean?

Quagmire:
The three of us, we go over there and we do what's right. We kill that fucking bastard!

Joe:
Woah, woah, Quagmire. You know, I could arrest you just for saying that.

Peter:
You know what else you can get arrested for? Soliciting a rooster.

[cutaway to a man and a rooster near a farm]

Man:
I don't know what this "cock-a-doodle-doo" thing is, but it sounds gay and scatological. [pulls out dollar] I'm in.

Rooster:
You're about to have a neat day.

[back to the scene]

Joe:
Quagmire, you're talking about murdering a guy. It doesn't matter what he's done, it's still murder!

Quagmire:
No, Joe, it does matter what he's done! These kinds of guys don't change! Y-You think they ever suddenly wake up and realize the error of their ways and clean up their act? NO! They just keep ruining everyone's lives, and the world is better off without them!

Joe:
It's against the law, Quagmire, and that's the end of it. [hears Brenda screaming in fear, the three look out the window].

Jeff:
WHAT THE FUCK?! DID YOU CHANGE THE CHANNEL WHILE I WAS GOING TO GET A BEER?!

Brenda:
Oh yeah, I'm sorry honey. I just wanted to see who was on Letterman.

Jeff:
WE'RE WATCHING LENO, YOU STUPID GODDAMN SLUT!

Brenda:
I'm so sorry!

Jeff:
HIS SOFT GENTLE HUMOR CONNECTS EFFORTLESSLY WITH MY MAINSTREAM CAPABILITIES! [Brenda screams as Jeff hits her].

Joe:
Let's waste this dick.