Father Ted, Series 1

(Mrs Doyle is complaining about the language used in modern novels)

Mrs. Doyle:
It's a bit much for me, Father. "Feck this" and "Feck that."

Father Ted:
Yes, Mrs Doyle.

Mrs. Doyle:
"You big bastard." Oh, dreadful Language. "You big hairy arse." "You big Fecker." Fierce Stuff! And of course the F-word father, the bad F-word. Worse than feck. You know the one I mean.

Father Ted:
Yes, I do, Mrs Doyle.

Mrs. Doyle:
"F you" "F your effing wife." Oh, I don't know why they have to use language like that. "I'll stick this effing pitch up your hole," that was another one!

Father Ted:
I see what you mean, Mrs Doyle.

Mrs. Doyle:
"Bastard this" and "Bastard that". You can't move for the bastards in her novels! It's wall-to-wall bastards.

Father Ted:
Is it Mrs Doyle? Anyway --

Mrs. Doyle:
"You Bastard", "You Fecker", "You bollocks", "Get your bollocks out of my face!"

Father Ted:
Yes, you just go and prepare for the nuns.

Mrs. Doyle:
"Ride me sideways" was another one!