Gavin & Stacey, Series 1

Smithy:
I can't eat this.

Fingers:
I know, it's nasty in it.

Smithy:
No, it's beautiful, it's just I can't believe it.

Gavin:
What?

Smithy:
Shut up.

Gavin:
Eh?!

Smithy:
How dare you, pathetic.

Chinese Alan:
Smithy!

Budgie:
Stay out of it, Chinese Alan.

Gavin:
What's wrong?

Smithy:
I've had enough. You've gone, you're someone else's.

Dirtbox:
Ignore him, he's pissed!

Smithy:
Best man. Best mates since we was four. And now it's over!

Gavin:
You're just drunk, we'll always be mates, you know that.

Smithy:
My dad ain't seen his best man for 7 years. When him and my mum got divorced, he sent an e-mail. Degrading. He ain't been round our house since 1991.

Dirtbox:
Who, your uncle Keith?

Smithy:
That's the one.

Jesus:
But he emigrated to Canada...

Smithy:
Look who's opened his mouth. You're always first with the advice aren't you Jesus? You know what? No-one even wanted you here tonight, I had to make that t-shirt last minute!

Everyone:
*That's not true!*

Smithy:
It is true! I can't stand ya! And if Jesus wants me for a sunbeam, he can shove it up his arse.

Jesus:
What've I done?

Smithy:
I'm going home. I made a fool of myself.

Gavin:
Smithy, come on.

Smithy:
Shut up.

[Smithy picks up kebab]:

Gavin:
What you doing with that?

Smithy:
I'll have it tomorrow.

[Smithy leaves with kebab]:

Dirtbox:
Nice one Jesus!

Jesus:
What did I do?!

Dirtbox:
Shut up!

Jesus:
What did I do?!

Dirtbox:
Shut up!

Jesus:
He's clearly in a mood!

Dirtbox:
Shut up! Tit.