House, Season 7

[In a sitcom style similar to Two and a Half Men. Applause; knock on door]

Wilson:
I'll get it!

House:
[off screen] That better be her.

[Wilson opens the door. A police officer and a little girl wearing flannel with a stripe of pink in her hair are standing in the hallway. The audience oohs.]

Wilson:
Rachel Cuddy, you were supposed to be home half an hour ago.

Rachel:
Don't blame me; he's the one who wouldn't run any red lights.

[The audience laughs. The police officer walks Rachel inside the apartment.]

Officer:
The mouth on that kid makes Mel Gibson sound like Nelson Mandela. Where'd she learn that?

[House enters blowing a bubble with gum. The audience cheers wildly.]

House:
I don't know why you're here, but I didn't do it.

Wilson:
What's the problem, officer?

Officer:
She was shoplifting down at the mall. Are either of you this girl's father?

House:
Nope! But since her mom died, she's my favorite tax write-off. [walks over to the door and sees the officer out] Officer, you have my word it won't happen again, 'cause next time she won't get caught.

[House slams the door shut behind the officer, then turns and high-fives Rachel. They hug. Wilson shrugs and joins in on the hug. Cuddy then wakes up from her dream, gasping and staring at the medication on her nightstand.]