Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Series 5

Mark:
So Sean's team, can you detect which is the real Edwin, and which are the Droods? Is it number one, Six Day War? Number two, Hundred Years' War? Number three, Evelyn War? Number four, what is it good for? Or number five, HUH, absolutely nothin'?

Junior:
Okay, before I go any further, I'm not gonna take the mick too much because I could be related to any one of these guys, so erm...

Mark:
You mean because you're black as well?

Junior:
No, I'm sure my dad used to cut some of their hair.

Mark:
Number three probably wasn't a regular, was he?

Sean:
I'm a little worried about number three, he's just looking at a light, transfixed.

Junior:
(in an elderly man's voice) This is the first time I've come out in a long time! Is this a studio, yes? This is lovely!

Sean:
Are you okay, number three? He just doesn't know! Well four of them are obviously English and Edwin's flown over from America, so who looks jetlagged? Three! (audience laughter) He had a near crash, he's traumatised!

Junior:
Nah, any Americans here? Because normally they go, any Americans would go "WHOOO!" Erm, I reckon it's number four.

Sean:
Without any doubt, but I think we should let Faye choose.

Faye:
Well I like number four too because he's got that...

Sean:
Not who you like! (audience laughter)

Mark:
We try and make it a fun show, but we've gotta have rules!

Faye:
It's definitely number four, he's got that star quality...

Mark:
You're actually in the lead, so you can just pick a favourite if you want.

Sean:
Well, my favourite's number three, obviously! (number three - Athelston - still doesn't flinch! Audience laughter)

Mark:
He doesn't seem so fond of you!

Sean:
(to Mark) I know! (to the lineup) Three, I love you, you're coming home with me, we're living together...

Mark:
Isn't number three a very passionate man? (Beat. Audience laughs even more)

Sean:
I'm worried about the fella!

Mark:
When they all walk off, and he's still there! (imitates Athelston's stare at the lights)

Sean:
I know! He's the most professional, I bet they say to him "Now don't move, just stare straight ahead", and he goes "I gotcha!" (imitates Athelston's stare) He's the best! He should get time-and-a-half! The rest have been fidgeting, moving about, all sudden movements... HE'S A MANNEQUIN!

Mark:
The question being, which one do you think might be Edwin Starr?

Junior:
Number...

Faye:
Four.

Mark:
Let's find out. Will the real Edwin Starr please step forward? (the real Edwin Starr - number four - steps forward. Audience cheers and applause) And, er, just to set my mind at ease, would number three please step forward? (audience and Edwin laugh, Athelston almost cracks, Sean and Junior start beckoning him to step forward, and finally he does so, to the absolute joy of Mark, the panel, the line-up and the studio audience. Edwin embraces Athelston) It's like the parable of the bald man that could walk!