Parks and Recreation, Season 7

[Ron and Leslie have been locked in their old office by their coworkers until they can become friends again. After hours of Leslie trying to figure out why Ron is mad at her, Ron has begun digging through boxes.]

Leslie:
Ron, what are you doing?

Ron:
I know I saw it. Aha!

[Ron pulls a detonator out of a box.]

Ron:
Detonator...

[He pulls out the claymore that sat on his desk for years before he left the Parks Department.]

Ron:
The partially defused claymore mine you gave me ten years ago...

[He places a box in front of a locked door and begins sitting up the claymore in front of it.]

Ron:
I'm gonna use it to blow a hole in this damn door, so I can get out of here!

Leslie:
Ron, just...wait a second...

Ron:
No. I'm being held as a prisoner against my will, and I have the right as a citizen of the United States to blow a hole in that fucking door and walk out as a free man! It's in the Constitution!

Leslie:
There's no cursing in the Constitution. Look, before you do that...

Ron:
Too late! Here we go! FIRE IN THE HOLE!

[Ron hits the detonator, and instead of exploding, the claymore releases confetti and balloons and begins playing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow."]

Leslie:
Ooh!

[She grins excitedly and turns to Ron, who looks terrified and confused.]

Leslie:
I gave you that as a gift on your fifth anniversary as Parks Director.

Ron:
[slowly, voice cracking] You told me...this was a genuine, partially defused claymore mine.

Leslie:
Well, it was! I bought the empty shell off of eBay, and then I filled it, you know, with balloons and confetti and such.

Ron:
You mean to tell me I have had a toy...on my desk for ten years?

Leslie:
You mean to tell me you thought you've had an actual land mine on your desk?