Red Dwarf, Series II

Rimmer:
Good book?

Lister:
Yeah, it's alright.

Rimmer:
I didn't think you read.

Lister:
Don't much, but this is good.

Rimmer:
What is it?

Lister:
It's your diary.

Rimmer:
WHAT!?

Lister:
I didn't know you sent secret love letters to Carol McCauley.

Rimmer:
Lister, that is my private, personal, private diary; full of my personal, private, personal things.

Cat:
It's gone public.

Rimmer:
I don't believe it! You've been reading it to the Cat?

Cat:
Only the best bits!

Lister:
[reading] "Carol McCauley, your eyes are like two limpid pools in the mornings".

Rimmer:
Shut up.

Lister:
"Your hair is like a golden waterfall".

Rimmer:
Shut up.

Lister:
"Plus, those short skirts you wear make me really horny"?