Red vs. Blue, Season 1

Tucker:
[Radio sounds] Come in, Blue Command. This is Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha. Do you read me?

Caboose:
[Cleaning Tucker's armor] Ok, that is the last of it. Your armor is clean now!

Tucker:
Did you get all the black stuff off?

Vic:
This is Blue Command, come in Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha.

Tucker:
Hello! Command! We need help.

Vic:
Roger that, Blood Gulch, what is your request?

Tucker:
I don't know what the technical military term is for it... but, uh, we're pretty fucked up down here. We need men.

Vic:
...Dude, how long have you guys been down there?

Tucker:
No no no... not like that! We need more men to help us.

Vic:
Roger that. Did you get the tank we sent?

Tucker:
Yeah but that got blown up too!

Vic:
Wow... sucks to be you.

Tucker:
Yeah, we know.

Vic:
Okay, here's what I can do: the nearest blue forces can be there in sixteen days, or I-

Tucker:
Sixteen days?! That's almost two weeks!

Vic:
Or I can hire a nearby freelancer and get him there within a few hours.

Caboose:
I like the in an hour one.

Tucker:
Yeah, me too. Roger that, Command, we prefer the quicker solution.

Vic:
Ten four, Blood Gulch. We will contact Freelancer Tex and have him there post haste. Command out.

Tucker:
Whoever he is, make sure he can fix a tank.

Caboose:
What's a freelancer?

Tucker:
Freelancers are independent, they're not red or blue. They're just guns-for-hire who will fight for whoever has the most money.

Caboose:
Like a mercenary.

Tucker:
Right. Or like your Mom when the rent's due.

Caboose:
Oh, that's funny.

Tucker:
Yeah? You didn't think that was too obvious?

Caboose:
No, no, not at all. That was... that was good

Church:
[appearing before Caboose and Tucker as a ghost and in a spooky voice] Tuuuckeeerrr... Tuuuuuucckkeeeeerrr...

Tucker:
(alarmed) WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

Church:
I am the ghost of Church and I've come back with a waaaarrrniiiinnng...

Caboose:
You're not Church. Church is blue! You're white!

Church:
(normal voice) Rookie, shut up, man! I'm a freaking ghost. Have you ever seen a blue ghost before?

Tucker:
Yeah, that's definitely him.

Church:
Now I gotta start over again. [clears throat and speaks in spooky voice] Tuuuuckeeerrr, Tuuuucckkeeeeerrrr, I've come back with a waaaaarrrniiiinng!

Tucker:
Is it really necessary to do the voice?

Caboose:
Yeah, it's kind of annoying.

Church:
Fine. Ok, here's the deal. I've come back from the dead to give you a warning about Tex. Don't let-

Caboose:
What's the warning?

Church:
Shut up for one second and I'll tell you!

Caboose:
Oh, sorry.

Church:
Seriously, man! I mean, I'm coming back from the Great Beyond here! Do you think this is easy? It's not! It's not like just... you know pop in and out whenever I feel like it, it takes a lot of concentration!

Caboose:
(dejectedly) Sorry.

Church:
I mean, it's bad enough that you killed me to begin with, but now I come back and I can't even get a word in edgewise, man! [exhales] Okay, here's the deal.

Caboose:
Is this the warning?

Church:
Alright, that's it. I swear to God, Caboose... your ass is haunted. When we're done here, I'm gonna haunt you.

Tucker:
Yeah, you're even starting to bug me.

Church:
Okay, Tucker. You remember that I told you I was stationed on Sidewinder before they transferred me here to Blood Gulch, right?

Tucker:
No!

Caboose:
Sidewinder? Isn't that the ice planet?

Church:
Yes.

Caboose:
Cool! What was that like?!

Church:
Um... it was cold.

Caboose:
That's it? Just cold?

Church:
(annoyed) What do you want from me? A poem?! It's a planet made entirely out of ice. It's really fuckin' cold.

Tucker:
Would you just let him talk?