Rick and Morty, Season 3

[After Toxic Rick toxifies the world, he and Toxic Morty are confronted by their healthy counterparts]

Healthy Rick:
Remember me?

Toxic Rick:
Didn't you learn last time that you can’t beat me?!

Healthy Rick:
Yeah, I did. And then I learned something else. [pulls out a gun] This. [shoots Toxic Morty in the knee, making him scream and collapse in pain] That bullet is laced with an encrypted nanobotic virus that will disintegrate your Morty in about, ah, twenty minutes.

Toxic Rick:
You think I give a shit?!

Healthy Rick:
I know you give a shit, dummy. Because I know I don’t. Here's another thing I know: the decryption key that neutralizes the virus. You want it? [pulls out two injections attached by a tube] Come and get it. Merge with me, and you’ll know how to save him.

Toxic Rick:
Pfft! Come on, man, I’ve been trapped in your pussy brain for seventy years of delusions, but this is the all-time weakest bluff that I’ve ever-- [Healthy Rick shoots Toxic Morty in his other knee] JESUS CHRIST! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Healthy Morty:
He’s cutting your time in half. Ten minutes.

Toxic Rick:
What is your problem?!

Healthy Rick:
Oh, I had all my problems removed. My entitlement, my narcissism, my crippling loneliness - my irrational attachments. [Toxic Rick glances at Toxic Morty, his eye twitching] They must be somewhere. They ain't over here, bro.

Toxic Rick:
I'M NOT GOING BACK IN THERE!

Healthy Rick:
Honestly, I don’t care either way. I hate having you in me. And when I say "honestly", you can believe it, because we both know I’m too healthy to lie. Watch. [shoots Toxic Morty in the shoulder]

Toxic Rick:
All right! Knock it off! You’re not impressing anyone! [kneels down and holds Toxic Morty] Morty, not that I give a shit, but are you okay?

Toxic Morty:
Jesus Christ, it hurts...!

Toxic Rick:
Relax, quit your bitching. Y-You’re gonna be fine. Grandpa’s here. [Healthy Rick laughs] You think that’s funny?!

Healthy Rick:
Y-You got to have a sense of humor about these things. Oh, wait, you can’t. You’re literally incapable of seeing the bigger picture. I guess it’s just funny because you’ve never done anything but complain about me being in charge, but if I ever gave you the wheel, we’d be dead in five minutes.

Toxic Morty:
[getting weaker] Ah, Rick...

Healthy Rick:
[smugly] You poor, dumb, sick animal.

Toxic Morty:
Rick...

Toxic Rick:
[storming up to Healthy Rick] AAAAARGH!!! JUST DO IT! JUST DO IT, YOU PIECE OF--

[Healthy Rick injects Toxic Rick and himself on the other end of the tube, sucking Toxic Rick back into himself and becoming whole again]

Rick:
[dancing about] I'm back, baby! Regular Rick! Master of both worlds! Check it out! [farts in Healthy Morty's face] Excuse me. Now we’ll just reverse this hacky toxicity beam. Man, I really overthink shit when I'm angry.