Rick and Morty, Season 5

[Mr. Poopybutthole turns off the TV playing the show credits.]

Mr. Poopybutthole:
Woo-wee. Evil Morty. That was quite a scheme. Makes me wonder if there’s an evil me out there. But I guess sometimes I look at my life, and I may not even need him. 'Cause... well, guess I made a pretty big mess of things myself. Ooh-wee.

[He gets out of his chair and walks to the stove.]

Mr. Poopybutthole:
Never got my job at the university back. Remember that? Rick made me do karate. It was kinda funny, but I guess things went downhill from there.

[He picks up a ramen package off the counter and opens it.]

Mr. Poopybutthole:
Started isolating myself from Amy. Used to tell her everything I was feeling.

[He dumps the noodles into the pot on the stove.]

Mr. Poopybutthole:
But then I guess I stopped.

[He picks up a photo of Amy.]

Mr. Poopybutthole:
'Cause I wanted her to love who she thought I was, not who I felt myself becoming.

[He puts the photo of Amy back down.]

Mr. Poopybutthole:
Ever think about how horrified the people we love would be if they found out who we truly are? So we just dig ourselves deeper into our lies every day, [he walks back over to the stove] ultimately only hurting the people brave enough to love us.

[He pours the seasoning packet into the pot, then throws the empty packet on the floor.]

Mr. Poopybutthole:
Wish I didn’t do that.

[He reaches into the sink and pulls out a fork. He turns off the stove and starts stirring the ramen.]

Mr. Poopybutthole:
Wish I was brave enough to love them back. I don’t know. Maybe you should try it?

[He carries the pot over to his chair and leans against the armrest.]

Mr. Poopybutthole:
We don’t have as much time as we think. Ooh-wee.