Robot Chicken, Season 5

Woody:
OK guys, Andy's almost home from college for Spring break!

[All the toys cheer]

Slinky:
How would they celebrate a spring breakin'? That's the saddest time for me.

[The other toys laugh]

Woody:
Oh, Slink.

Buzz:
Silly canine.

Mr. Potato Head:
What a freakin' jerk.

Rex:
Andy's here!

[Music plays]

Sarge:
All right ladies, single file, front and center! [all the toys line up for Andy's arrival] Commander-in-chief on the premises!

Soldier:
You mean Obama?

[Music stops]

Sarge:
He's not my president.

[The door flies open as Andy comes in, carrying and kissing his girlfriend]

Slinky:
[gets tangled around Andy's leg] TELL MY STORY! [gets kicked aside sending him flying with an off-screen crash sound effect]

Woody:
[whispers] Etch, what's going on up there?

[Etch draws a diagram of what appears to be doggy-style intercourse off-screen, causing all of the toys to gross out. Rex vomits into Mr. Potato Head's body, making his eyes pop out in streams of vomit]

Buzz:
You gotta help that girl, Sarge!

Sarge:
Oh, God! She won't stop screaming! What does "[bleep] my [bleep]ing box dry" even mean?!

Andy:
This is awesome! [continues kissing]

[As the sounds of kissing stop, Rex nervously looks up at the bed and gets a used condom on his face]

Rex:
Oh! [tries to get it off, but accidentally knocks himself out when he runs into a chest of drawers] Oof!

Andy:
[opens a drawer on his bedside table and searches for something] Aw, dammit! I left my favorite toy back at the dorm.

Woody:
[shocked] His favorite toy!?

Andy:
[picks up Buzz from beside the bed] Time to improvise.

Buzz:
Aah!

[Sawing and other noises are heard]

Woody:
[looks up in confusion and dismay] What's he doing with Buzz?

Andy:
Yes! And ready for a test drive.

[Bubbling sounds]

Mr. Potato Head:
[shocked as well] He didn't. Not Buzz...

Andy:
[inhaling] To infinity and beyond! [puts down Buzz, now revealed to have been turned into a makeshift bong. His helmet is smashed, his eyes are half-lidded, and the scalp of his head is gone. Smoke is coming out from his head and from a pipe wedged into his crotch; exhaling; intoxicated] Domino, motherfucker! [laughs] Buzzed by Buzz! [laughs]

Woody:
[nervously] Buzz? You okay?

Buzz:
[in his goofy voice] Hello, Woody! [gasps] Do you know what my daddy did? Poop! He pooped! ♪ Boop-de-doop doop boop! ♪ [dances stupidly] Ah, somebody left some poop in his pants. [falls backwards]

Woody:
[catches Buzz] It's okay, pal. We're here for ya.

[Cut to sunset, with Woody lying Buzz in a cardboard bed]

Buzz:
And the farmer, he hauls, another load away! Bye, load! Bye, load!

Woody:
[holding back tears] Good night, sweet prince.

Buzz:
We gonna play tomorrow?

Woody:
[pretending to be happy] You bet, pal. You bet. [picks up a pillow]

Buzz:
[weak last words] To infinity...

[Woody forces the pillow over Buzz's head, and starts suffocating Buzz with it, and exhausting it straight through his damaged head, and into the receptors of his buttons. Buzz tries to scream again, but he is out of breath from screams from the earlier suffocating. After Buzz stops struggling and falls limp, Woody removes the pillow, and looks at Buzz's dead corpse]

Woody:
[remorsefully] ...And beyond. [starts to cry]