Roseanne, Season 3

Roseanne:
[toasting Dan at his party] So here's to you, Dan Conner, my husband, my soulmate, my friend, my rock...

Dan:
[to himself] God, please, let this be over...

Roseanne:
...a great big rock that just sits on my couch and does nothing but watch TV!

Dan:
[to himself] That's it - God's a woman.

Roseanne:
Oh, occasionally, y'know, it'll ask for a beer and then I have to go in there and get it because after all, it is just a ROCK, and a rock can't just tip itself over and roll over to the refrigerator, can it? So I have to get the beer for it... yep! A big, TV-watching, beer-drinking rock. But he's MY rock, and I must live with it. [downs her champagne in one gulp]