Roseanne, Season 8

Dan:
I'm going to watch TV.

Roseanne:
Oh, of course you are, Dan, because that's what you always do when anything gets to damn real around here!

Dan:
I do not do that.

Roseanne:
Yes, you do! You run to that TV and walk away from me every single time there's a problem in this family!

Dan:
Why the hell shouldn't I walk away? You never let me do squat around here! Problem with the kids? Hey, you'll handle it, cause I'd sure as hell just screw it up! I watched these kids grow up around here without ever knowing what was going on or even who they were. And just look at the way they turned out!

Roseanne:
I think they turned out great.

Dan:
Oh, please, Roseanne! Look at them. They're not exactly the Kennedy kids.

Roseanne:
No, they're not, but their dad sure drinks like Uncle Teddy!