Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 3

Salem:
[on laptop] I’m so happy, I could plotz!

Sabrina:
Not on the kitchen table.

Salem:
You can say goodbye to this furry little punim!

Hilda:
Salem, what’s with all the Yiddish? Are you going into show business?

Salem:
I’m online with a camel in Jerusalem who used to be an Amway salesman.

Zelda:
Why did the Witches' Council turn him into a camel?

Salem:
He used to be an Amway salesman. Anywho... He was wandering through the desert, when he found a scroll that said witches like me can be turned back into their former selves, if they’re kissed by someone who loves them.

Sabrina:
Why can’t you just play Solitaire like regular cats?

Salem:
One little kiss and I can once again be a man! I’ll no longer be a schlemiel!

Zelda:
Salem, don’t trust chat rooms.

Hilda:
Besides, you little yutz, who’re you going to get to kiss you?

Salem:
Pucker up.

Hilda:
If I helped turn you into a man, the Witches' Council will turn me into a cat. What a sad, pathetic existence that would be...

Salem:
Moving on... I love ya Zelda!

Zelda:
I love you, too... [kisses her finger and places it on his head] ...But I’m not in love with you.

Salem:
Oh, Sabrina...

Sabrina:
Not until you find a new way of grooming yourself.

Salem:
Mean! There must be somebody out there who’s not so stingy with kisses! [Hilda conjures up a Boxer dog, who immediately starts slobbering over him] Oh lord, he’s got toilet-water breath! [sobs]