Sam & Cat

[doorbell]

Cat:
  Ding dong.

Sam:
  Ugh!  That's Dilben.

Cat:
  Okay, Goomer, are you ready?

Goomer:
  Yep.  I'm Uncle live here, and I'm you.

Cat:
  No!  You're our uncle and you live here!

Goomer:
  Uncle Fudge.

Sam and Cat:
  No!

Cat:
  [opens the entrance door]  Hi, Dilben.  This must be your dad.

Dilben's father:
  May we come in?

Cat:
  Well, sure.

Sam:
  Just get in the shower with the goat and make sure he stays there.

Dice:
  I don't wanna get in the shower with a goat!

Sam:
  Shower with the goat!

Dice:
  Oh!

Sam:
  Bleh!

[Dice runs to the bathroom]

Dilben's father:
  So my son tells me that you're living here with a goat.

Sam:
  Not anymore.

Cat:
  No more goat.

Dilben:
  They had a goat.

Sam:
  Well, now we don't.

Cat:
  Sam!

Dilben:
  And they're living here by themselves without a proper grown-up.

Sam:
  By ourselves?

Cat:
  Uncle Goomer?  [Goomer doesn't want to respond as he wishes to be called "Uncle Fudge"]

Sam:
  Uncle Fudge?

Goomer:
  Oh, hi.  I'm their uncle, and I live here.

Cat:
  With us.

Goomer:
  With them.

Sam:
  And he's twenty-seven.

Cat:
  Yup, wanna see his I.D.?

Sam:
  They don't need to see his I.D.

Dilben's father:
  I would like to see his I.D.

Goomer:
  Sure, I got it right here in my pants.

Sam:
  You don't need to show them your I.D.

Goomer:
  Here it is.

[the goat bleats, runs to the room; Dice runs after it]

Dice:
  Murf!  Come back here!

Dilben:
  Ahoy!

Dilben's father:
  That's a goat!

Sam:
  Well, thanks for swinging by.

Dilben's father:
  Now this says you live in Van Nuys.

Goomer:
  Well…I'm so ashamed.

Dilben:
  Ha!  You girls are outta here.

Cat:
  But this is our home!

Sam:
  Look if you want us outta here then you're gonna have to call the cops.

Unknown man:
  [enters]  Dilben?  Are you in here?  Dilben!

Dilben:
  Uh, what?!  I've never seen that man before in my life; go away, dad—uh…stranger.

Sam:
  Who are you?

Unknown man:
  Dilben's father.

Dilben:
  No!

Cat:
  Well, then who's this man?

Dilben's fake father:
  All right then.  I can clear this up.  [runs out the house, scared]

Sam:
  What is going on?

Cat:
  This is getting kinda weird.

Goomer:
  I'm Uncle Fudge.

Sam:
  Shut up.

Dilben's true father:
  Has Dilben been telling you that his father owns this building?

Cat:
  Uh-huh.

Sam:
  Yeah.

Dilben's true father:
  Well, I don't.

Sam:
  You're really his father?

Dilben's true father:
  That's right.  He's embarrassed of me because of my job.

Cat:
  What's your job?

Dilben's true father:
  I sell—

Dilben:
  Don't say it!

Dilben's true father:
  I sell wide shoes to wide-footed women.

Dilben:
  Oh, no!  Aaah!  [sits on the sofa, embarrassed]

Sam:
  Yowza.

Cat:
  Why is it such a big deal?

Dilben:
  You think it's easy being unlikable and having a dad, who sells wide shoes to wide-footed women?!

Dilben's true father:
  You think it's fun for me, having a son who wears capes?!

Dilben:
  They're fashionable!

Sam:
  Okay, ho ho hold on.  So…you're just an annoying kid who lives in this building?

Dilben's true father:
  He certainly is.

Cat:
  And you just sell wide shoes?

Dilben's true father:
  To wide-footed women, yes.

Sam:
  Well, since neither of you have any power over us… [the next scene shows Dilben and his true father with their shirts around their waists and their pants over their heads, kicked out of the apartment by Sam]  Bye!  [closes door]

Cat:
  Murf sneezed on Goomer.

Goomer:
  Bad dog.