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South Park, Season 11

South Park (1997–present) is an adult animated television series created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Distributed by and airing on Comedy Central, it follows the surreal adventures of four young boys who live in the small town of South Park, Color… more »

[In a Vatican Holding Cell]

Jesus:
We have no choice, Kyle, You're going to have to kill me.

Kyle:
What?!

Jesus:
Stab me with this. [shows Kyle the nail file] If I die, I can resurrect outside the bars.

Kyle:
No way! Do it yourself.

Jesus:
Suicide is blasphemy. There's no choice here, Kyle.

Kyle:
Dude, you don't understand. I'm a Jew. I have a few hang-ups about killing Jesus.

Jesus:
Just make it quick, through the neck. I'll rise again immediately.

Kyle:
Don't make me do this.

Jesus:
My son, there is no time. Do it.

Kyle:
Eric Cartman can never know about this.

Jesus:
I understand. And Kyle...Happy Easter.

Kyle:
Happy Easter, Jesus. [stabs Jesus in neck]

[Jesus makes dying noises and runs around cell bleeding to death]

Kyle:
Jesus?

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Submitted by wikidude on June 03, 2024

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