South Park, Season 14

[Tom Cruise's mountain lodge]

Hillary Clinton:
Tom, what is up with this Muhammad thing? It doesn't make sense.

Jesse Jackson:
Yeah, you said we were just suing South Park.

Tom Cruise:
No, I said we're going to use South Park to make sure we never got ripped on again! Look, people, all of us... get ridiculed, but who is the one person on this earth that is completely free from slander?

Oprah:
You want Muhammad because he can't be ridiculed?

Tom Cruise:
Muhammad has a power that makes him impervious to being made fun of. What if we…could harness that power. [walks up to Jimmy Buffett] Jimmy Buffett, how would you like it if nobody could call your music drunken fratboy monkey garbage?

Jimmy Buffett:
I'd-I'd love it.

Tom Cruise:
By taking what Muhammad has, we would all be safe from ridicule. Like Tim Burton here. Imagine it, Tim -- nobody could rip on you for all the rehashed movies you've made lately. There'd never be a TV show that pointed out you haven't had an original thought since "Beetlejuice." And you put Johnny Depp and the same crappy music in every film. And if you're that in love with Johnny Depp you should just have sex with him already. A TV show could never say that!

Tim Burton:
Gee, that'd be swell.

Tom Cruise:
Well it can be a reality. Once we have Muhammad, we can take his power from him!

Cartman:
Excuse me, [everyone turns to look at him] This is the home of Tom Cruise, right?

Tom Cruise:
Hey, it's one of the kids from South Park that slandered me!

Cartman:
I didn't come for myself. I'm just an escort for another celebrity who wants to get in on your lawsuit.

Michael Richards:
Who?

Jennifer Lopez:
[pulls off her little cap] Allo! [the other celebrities smile at her]

Tom Cruise:
Jennifer Lopez!

[the others crowd in]

Jennifer Lopez:
Yes, I am Jennifer Lopez! And I like tacos, and burritos.