South Park, Season 18

[at South Park's Community Center, where all adults gather for a meeting with Dr. John Garner]

John Garner:
Hello everyone, my name is John Garner and I'm a nutrition advisor from the USDA. I want to clarify the USDA's position on a healthy diet. There's been a lot of confusion about gluten lately. People saying that gluten is the cause of cancer, gluten should be avoided, gluten can make your dick fly off, but let's set the record straight.

Randy:
[To Gerald] Make your dick fly off?

John Garner:
People believe that omitting gluten will make you healthier, but of course, that's a bunch of hooey. Hooey is the preservative found in processed foods, that we now believe is the main culprit of obesity. You might say "Well there's fat in butter too," but that's just poppycock. Poppycock first came from India and is the key ingredient in red meat which we now realize is good for you along with hooey. The good hooey, not the bad hooey. So what is gluten?

Mr. Garrison:
Yes, thank you!

John Garner:
Simply put, gluten is the protein found in flour when you take all the starch away. [holds up a stalk of wheat]. Flour is of course, just wheat, and when you add a liquid to flour, you get dough. [grabs a wad of dough] Dough that makes breads, doughnuts, pasta, and all the hooey-free foods that humans enjoy. [puts the dough into a special washer. The extract going through a distillation process] Now, if we wash the dough of all its starch, we can actually distil the wheat down, minus the water, minus the starch, and what we're left with is pure gluten. Not a bio-weapon, just harmless flour protein.

[There was a short pause]

Mr. Mackey:
Then eat it!

John Garner:
Excuse me?

Mr. Mackey:
If it's not dangerous, then eat that pure concentrated gluten, okay?

John Garner:
Yeah. Alright. [Sips the gluten up. After a few seconds he contorts and groans in pain, burns began to appear throughout his body. The audience began to panic, then his groin begins to set off electrical sparks. His penis wriggles out and soon launches itself like a rocket]

Mr. Mackey:
Oh, you see that? His dick's flyin' off.

[In the midst of panic and chaos, the people leave the Community Center. Dr. John Garner's body deflates behind while his penis flies above them]