South Park, Season 3

Chef's Father:
Well, aren't you crackers just cute as the dickens?

Stan:
You're Chef's parents?

Chef's Mother:
Yes, all his life.

Kyle:
[in a hurry] We have to talk to him!

Chef's Father:
Well, he should be out now directly.

Chef's Mother:
He's so excited about the wedding now.

Chef's Father:
Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we saw the Loch Ness Monster?

Stan:
No, that's okay.

Chef's Father:
Ooh, it must have been about seven, eight years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see, all alone at night, when all of the sudden this huge creature, this giant crustacean from the Paleolithic Era, comes out of the water.

Chef's Mother:
We were so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat, and I said, "Thomas, what on Earth is that creature?"

Chef's Father:
It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes...

Chef's Mother:
Oh, it was so scary!

Chef's Father:
...and I yelled, I said, "What do you want from us, monster?" And the monster bent down, and said, "I need about tree-fitty."

[long pause]

Kyle:
What's tree-fitty?

Chef's Father:
Three dollars and fifty cents.

Chef's Mother:
Tree-fitty.

Stan:
He wanted money?

Chef's Father:
That's right. I said, "I ain't giving you no tree-fitty, you goddamn Loch Ness Monster! Get your own goddamn money!"

Chef's Mother:
I gave him a dollar.

Chef's Father:
She gave him a dollar.

Chef's Mother:
I thought he'd go away if I gave him a dollar.

Chef's Father:
Well, of course he's not gonna go away, Mary! You give him a dollar, he's gonna assume you've got more!