South Park, Season 5

Gerald:
Isn't he responding at all, doctor?

Doctor:
[turns around to face them] I'm sorry. Your son appears to be losing the battle. I'm afraid that the hemorrhoid has spread to his lungs. Normally, the body would fight the infection, but he's... he's just... given up on life.

Sheila:
But then... are you saying...?

Doctor:
There's nothing I can do. Little fella's just... lost his will to live.

Sheila:
[walks up to Kyle] Oh Kyle! Kyle, you've got to fight!

[North Park Funland, day. The old North Park Funland sign is being restored, as are many of the rides Cartman replaced. The ticket booths are missing. A bulldozer sits outside the park ready to clear out anything else that needs removal. Cartman exits with the million dollars he originally paid for the park. The money is back on the Radio Flyer.]

Cartman:
Good riddance, you stupid park! You can all kiss my ass! [three men in suits approach Cartman]

Agent:
Excuse me? Eric Cartman?

Cartman:
[turns to face them] Yeah?

Agent:
I'm Frank Garrett with the IRS. You haven't kept records of your income or payout, and there's a five hundred-thousand-dollar discrepancy. [to the two other men] Seize the assets. [the men grab the discrepancy]

Cartman:
Hey. Hey, that's my money!

Mr. Garrett:
There's also the lawsuit of the little boy who died in your park. The family's entitled to the rest of this. [takes the wagon with the other half million]

Cartman:
What?! Kenny?! He dies all the time!

Mr. Garrett:
You still owe thirteen thousand dollars more than this, Mr. Cartman. We'll see you in court. [the men walk away with the million]

Cartman:
Ye-You can't take my money, Goddamnit!

Mr. Garrett:
We know how well your park is doing; you'll make it back in no time.

Cartman:
Ah! But I-I-I... [sees Mr. Fun through a fence and rushes to talk to him] Hey! Hey Mr. Fun, I changed my mind. I need the park to make my money back.

Mr. Fun:
Nohoho way, José!

Cartman:
But I'm getting sued now. If I don't have the park, I lose everything!

Mr. Fun:
"I don't care," said Pierre. "I'm from France." [turns around and disappears into the crowd]

Cartman:
This can't be happening! AGGGHH!!

[Hell's Pass Hospital, day. Stan bursts into Kyle's room.]

Stan:
Kyle, you gotta see!! [the doctor looks at him. Sheila and Gerald turn around]

Sheila:
[sadly] Kyle's not going to make it, Stanley. Oh, Gerald! [weeps into Gerald's chest]

Stan:
Doctor, can we wheel Kyle out of here on his bed with the machines attached?

Doctor:
Well, I s-supposed it could be rigged, but I--

Stan:
Then damnit man, do it!

[North Park Funland, day. The ticket booths are back, and business is as strong now as it was when the park was Cartmanland. Off to the side, Cartman is throwing stones at one of the park walls.]

Cartman:
It isn't fair! [throws another stone] You goddamned assholes, it isn't fair! [throws another. Stan arrives with the doctor, the nurse, Kyle, and Kyle's parents]

Stan:
Look, Kyle. Look. [smiles]

Kyle:
[opens his eyes] Huh?

Cartman:
You just build me up to chop me down, didn't you?! What about my dream?! What about my money?! [throws another stone]

Kyle:
[more alert] Huh?

Cartman:
I'M SO PISSED OFF! [the security guard arrives, ready to spray Cartman]

Security Guard:
Move along, sir! You are vandalizing private property!

Cartman:
Ey! You used to work for me! [the guard sprays Cartman in the face] Ut Ut aw! Aw, Goddamnit, you son of a bitch! [coughs and wheezes. Stan grins and Kyle's vital stats get stronger. Kyle sighs]

Stan:
Kyle!

Doctor:
He's coming back.

Sheila:
That's it, baby. That's it.

Cartman:
Oho, Goddamnit, this sucks!

Doctor:
Wait a minute. Yes! The hemorrhoid is going into remission!

Hemorrhoid:
[receding into the colon] Oh, shit!

Stan:
Look, Kyle, Cartman is totally miserable. [a shot of Cartman on his knees, sobbing] Even more miserable than he was before because he's had his dream and lost it.

Cartman:
It's not fair! It's not fair; I wanna die! I wanna daaahahie! [Kyle looks at Cartman, then up at the sky, then sits up and removes the oxygen mask]

Kyle:
You are up there! [smiles]