SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 5

Jim:
Hey, Eugene, where's that little fry cook of yours?

Mr. Krabs:
He thinks you're taking his job, so he's run off!

Jim:
Hey, great idea! And you can give me a raise! [both laugh it off]

SpongeBob:
[watching from the freezer] Look at them. Mr. Krabs is probably offering Jim my job right now.

Mr. Krabs:
Well, I better go find him. [SpongeBob comes out] SPONGEBOB!

SpongeBob:
Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I was just leaving. I'm not fit to inhabit the same kitchen as Jim. So it is with a heavy heart that I relinquish my position as fry cook.

Jim:
What are you thinking, SpongeBob? I'm not taking your job!

SpongeBob:
But you're the greatest fry cook in the world! The Krusty Krab deserves better than me.

Jim:
Both those statements are true, SpongeBob, but there's a reason I left the Krusty Krab. It all started on a warm summer evening. Business was slow, so Squidward and I were having one of our famous bull sessions...

[Flashback to the day Jim left the Krusty Krab]

Jim:
We should open our own restaurant and stop relying on old man K's pockets.

Squidward:
No, thanks. I'm just doing this until my clarinet career takes off.

Jim:
What if it never does? Don't you wanna have something to fall back on?

Squidward:
Yeah! Ha! I could lose my beautiful, flowing hair, too, but I'm not buying a wig yet. [his hair suddenly falls out]

Jim:
Well, while you go wig shopping, I'm gonna go talk to Mr. Krabs. [Walks into Mr. Krabs' office] Hey, Mr. Krabs, you gotta second?

Mr. Krabs:
Anything for you, Jimmy, me boy. Cop a squat and lay your wreck and tell me what's on your wig, Jim.

Jim:
Cut the gas, Krabs, and dig this: I've been bustin' my conk for you. You better lay on some extra gravy, or I'm going to agitate the gravel.

Mr. Krabs:
What now?

Jim:
You know, lay a patch.

Mr. Krabs:
'Scuse me?

Jim:
Give me a raise, or I'm quitting!

Mr. Krabs:
A raise? That's not in my "Hiptionary." Help me get with it, Jack.

Jim:
Stop talking like that!

Mr. Krabs:
These sideburns aren't real. [rips them off]

Jim:
I need more money in my paycheck at the end of every week! Capiche?!?

[Mr. Krabs laughs hysterically; Jim leaves in a huff]

Squidward:
My hair! My beautiful hair! My hair! My hair!

[Flashback ends; Mr. Krabs is still laughing]

Mr. Krabs:
Aye, it's still as funny today as it was then. [sighs]

[Squidward is outside still crying over his hair loss]

Mr. Krabs:
You see, SpongeBob, you've got one quality Jim will never have: You're cheap!

SpongeBob:
Wow! I never thought about it that way!