News Announcer: [voice-over] It's a scene normally reserved for major Hollywood blockbusters. The faithful have been lined up for days-some arrived in costume-all for the love of chicken. [Robert and Riley, hearing about the news, are in happy delight. Meanwhile, Huey is seen working on a generator with Jazmine next to him] Huey: Okay, try it. [Jazmine turns on a switch nearby; however, it fails and the generator explodes, hurting Huey] Jazmine: Huey! [the TV is seen, this time with a commercial with a man dancing with two pieces of chicken in his hands, imitating a chicken about the news report earlier] Announcer: Tomorrow, the fried chicken event of a lifetime... one more herb, one more spice, the new Kernel's Fried Chicken. New, original recipe, now with 13 herbs... [TV shuts off and so does the power, which was caused by Huey's generator] Robert: What the... I bet it's your brother! I knew I should've abandoned him at the mall when I had the chance! [Huey and Jazmine comes in, as Robert speaks to Huey] BOY! What did I tell you, huh?! I said you can do what you want with your little survival thing, but don't mess with my TV. Every year, it's a new disaster- bird flu, swine flu, World War III, killer asteroids, new world order...what was...the tri-sexual commission. What the hell is a tri-sexual, anyway? Huey: [to Robert] Trilateral! Robert: I got a silly contraption in my garage, a hundred gallons of fucking water! I got more damn Cheerios and canned green beans than I'm ever gonna eat. Huey: Granddad, I promise you'll be thanking me when the crisis comes. Robert: Where is the crisis, boy? Where's the disaster? Where's the return of investment? All this damn money for extra food and toilet paper? That's it! It's over! I ain't spending over another damn dime on the end of the world. You're on your own now, Jack. [to Riley] Boy, you ready to go get some chicken? Riley: Yeah! Yeah! Robert: [to Jazmine] You want some fried chicken, little baby? Jazmine: Fried chicken is murder. [Robert and Riley shows an irritated face to Jazmine] Robert: Suit yourself. [to Riley] Come on. Let's go. [they both leave with Riley chuckling. Then, they both drive off] Riley: YEAH! [in the garage with Huey still working on his generator with Jazmine behind him, seated] Jazmine: What's that for, anyway? Huey: It's a generator. Jazmine: What does it do? Huey: Nothing, right now, but if I can get it to work, it could save our lives. Jazmine: So, how bad is it gonna be, when the end of the world comes? Huey: I don't know, but I got it all worked out so the three of us can survive in this house as long as possible. Jazmine: Three? Huey: Me, Riley and Granddad. Jazmine: What about everyone else? Huey: I can't save everyone else. If I tried, I'd just end up saving nobody. Jazmine: What about me? Would you let me stay here-you know, if things got bad? Huey: The plan is for three people. A fourth person, and we could run out of food or water. Jazmine: But I'm your friend. Can't you make a plan for four people? [Huey continues working on the generator] Huey: I guess. Jazmine: [sighs] I feel much better about that now. You know, Huey, everybody says that you're a loony person, but I think one day, you're gonna be smarter than everybody. [on the road, Robert and Riley are still in delight] Riley: Man, this chicken gonna be off the chain! [singing] I can't wait! I can't wait! Mmm! I'm gonna get some chicken! I can't wait! Robert: See, you kids don't know how lucky you've have it. All my life, we only had 11 herbs and spices. This is a whole new... [Robert sees cars in front of him] Oh. Riley: AAAHHH! Robert: Oh man! [a line of over 100 cars are waiting in line for the chicken up to Kernel's Fried Chicken. Several hours later, Robert's car finally makes it to the ordering machine] Riley: [sleeptalking] A two-piece special with lots of hot sauce and all the fries you can give me. [Robert wakes him up] Robert: Boy, wake up! It's almost chicken time. [a man in front of Robert's car begins yelling at the ordering machine] Man #1: What?! I can't believe what you're telling me! What?! Huh? [Robert exits his car] No way! No goddamn way! Hell no! Robert: What is it? Man #1: These motherfuckers say that they're out of chicken! Robert: WHAT?! Man #1: Listen, listen! KFC Female Worker: Welcome to Kernel's Fried Chicken. Unfortunately, we are out of chicken at the moment. Please go away until we have more chicken. Thank you. God bless. Robert: They ran out of chicken! Riley: Aw, man! This is some old bullshit. [another man comes out] Man #2: No chicken?! You mean I ain't gonna get that bucket?! [a woman appears] Woman #1: How can they be out of chicken?! It's Kernel's Fried Chicken! Robert: This is outrageous! This is an outrage. [Riley pulls out his cell phone and dials 911] Riley: Hello? 911? No, I ain't calling to snitch! I got a real emergency! Yeah, I'll hold. Man #3: Some of us have been looking forward to this day for a long, long time. [Riley resumes his conversation with the police] Riley: Hello? My emergency? These fools done ran out of chicken! [the female worker repeats her previous line on the ordering machine but is stopped in mid-sentence and the first man kicks the ordering machine and rips it off with a second kick, shocking the others. The crowd angrily faces the female worker and two male workers. The crowd iindistinctly shouts and complains] Robert: That's what they do-keep screwing the little man. They're not gonna get away with this! Man #1: [to Robert] You right! [to the others] Hey, he's right! It's time for us to fight back! Let's knock some mothafuckas out about this chicken. [the man walks away] Robert: [angrily] We are not going to get away from this. [the first man gets into his car] Man #1: Damn, no chicken?! That's some bull [reverses his car into the front entrance to the crowd. The crowd looks at the man in his car. He then drives off and everyone gets out of the way while the man destroys the entrance. Everyone goes into the restaurant and they finally get their chicken, with Robert and Riley left out. Later, a news anchorman reports.] Anchorman: Tonight, civil unrest explodes in several major American cities [shots of riots are shown] There have been reports of fires, lootings, and violence in the streets [Huey is shown watching the news] all over a fast-food promotion gone terribly wrong. As the first customers tasted the new secret recipe, reviews were stellar. Man on TV: Yo, motherfuckers! Yo, nigga, this shit is bad as fuck! [grabs a white man and shoves the chicken in his mouth. The white man begins chewing it] You, put this shit in your mouth, man! Eat that mothafucka, eat it! [resumes to anchorman] Anchorman: But early on in the day, there were signs of trouble- [zooms to a picture of a crowd of impatient African Americans] impatient crowds, [shows picture of a lot of cars stretched in lines] drive-thru lines stretching for miles, [a video clip of a black man getting his chicken until another black man grabs him and the two both struggle] scuffles between tired and hungry customers. [a sobbing woman with another woman is being interviewed] Sobbing Woman: How you gonna say you got chicken and you ain't got no chicken? You knew y'all was gonna do this for a year! How am I supposed to feed my family now?! I want my [bleep] chicken! [camera shows Huey] My babies want their [bleep] chicken! [Robert and Riley come in] Robert: [off-screen] I can't believe it. No chicken. I always miss out on the hot new thing! Anchorman: And now, another crisis brewing-this one around a mysterious virus that seems to have appeared out of thin air and is spreading like wildfire. Already, there are 400 confirmed cases of the mystery virus in all 50 states, and the CDC warns it could spread thousands by the end of the week. Personally, I'm scared shitless and for good reason. Where this virus came from is anybody's guess. Huey: It's the chicken. [knocking at the door] Robert: Who is it? [shows Tom at the door] Huey: [off-screen] Have you eaten the chicken? Tom: Huh? Huey, it's Tom and Jazmine. Huey: [in gas mask] Have you eaten the chicken? Tom: [chuckles] No. [Huey opens the door] Huey: What? Jazmine: Huey, did you hear about the mystery virus? Tom: Huey, you've got Jazmine terrified about this end-of-the-world stuff. Jazmine: Tell him, Huey! Tell him the end is coming. Tom: Look, if you guys want to play your little make-believe survival games, that's fine. But, sweetie, I promise you, the world is not going to end. Jazmine: Please, daddy, it's not safe! Tom: Sweetie, I have to pick up your mother. Stay as long as you want. Have fun. Call me when you want to come home. Jazmine: [to her father] No! [Tom leaves] Huey: He made his choice. You in or out? [the anchorman is reporting] Anchorman: Nobody, anyway, saw it coming. It's being called "the fried chicken flu". Thousands are sick, and CDC officials confirm today that the same fried chicken responsible for a second day of riots around the country is also responsible for a pandemic that experts are saying could reach biblical proportions. CDC Expert: I've never seen any fucked up shit. I got to get out of here! [off-screen] Get out of my fucking way! [expert opens the door and closes it. The Freemans and Jazmine are in panic] Riley: Wow. Jazmine: Oh...my...god! Granddad: Oh, man. This is terrible. Riley: Now we'll never get to try that chicken. Anchorman: Today, [the mayor eating a chicken with cameras flicking flashes] the mayor of Louisville ate chicken at a press conference in show of support. [mayor in a strecher with some vomit on his shirt as he is being carried away by paramedics] Seven hours later, he was in a coma. [sick people are eating fried chicken] Yet, amazingly, people are still eating chicken, packing into the few restaraunts that still have the golden bird in stock, willing to risk life and limb for a leg and a thigh. Jazmine: We're all gonna die! Huey: [to Jazmine] We are not going to die! Robert: No, she's right. We're all gonna die! [Jazmine begins sobbing] God, please, take everyone else but not me! Huey: We are not going to die. This is the day I've been planning for my whole life. [carries four booklets and hands them to everyone] Here is the survival plan. It contains guidelines for security, food and water rationing, energy usage, communications et cetera, et cetera. Robert: What? Riley: [to Huey] Nigga, what is this? Homework? Huey: [to everyone] Everything you need to know is in your packet. It's easy to understand, and I used extra-large type. Robert: Uh, you know, I don't like to read instructions. Riley: Yeah, and I don't like to read, period! Robert: Just give us the gist. Huey: No! You need to read all of it! It's all important. Robert: Okay, but what's the most important stuff? [Huey groans] Huey: I guess the most important thing is that we keep quiet about our emergency supplies and we don't let anyone else in the house, no matter what. Robert: Fine. Agreed. Jazmine: What about mommy and daddy?! Huey: There's nothing we can do for them. They're goners. Robert: Huey's right. They're on their own. Riley: They gonna die. [Jazmine begins crying very loudly] Hey man, she gonna be crying like this all the time? 'Cause I say if she is, we kick her out. Robert: Shh! Everybody shush! Shush! President Obama's talking. I know he's gonna tell us what to do. [Barack Obama is shown] Barack Obama: Uh, good afternoon. I'd like to start off by thanking all of you out there, uh, who have called and written letters about the safety of the first family. You'll be happy to know that Michelle, Sasha, Malia, myself and Bo are all fine. Robert: Don't nobody care about you, man! Tell us everything gonna be okay for us. Barack Obama: Everything is gonna be okay...for us. We are currently in our very own super-secret underground bunker with enough food and water and entertainment to last several lifetimes. But I'm here tonight to talk about you. In times of crisis, Americans pull together. And what's gonna get us through this difficult time? Sharing... Robert: Sharing? Barack Obama: Lending a helping hand to a neighbor in their hour of need. Robert: No, fuck a neighbor! What we need is a cure! Barack Obama: Unfortunately, there is no cure for the pandemic we now face. But we do have an even more powerful weapon...compassion for our fellow man. Robert: No, fuck compassion for our fellow man! Barack Obama: In conclusion, I want to say that we are in some tough times ahead, and when I say "we", I mean you. But Michelle, Sasha, Malia, myself, and Bo are gonna be right here rooting for you all the way. Good night and God bless you and may God bless the United States of America. Robert: [mourning] We're all gonna die! [Jazmine and Robert begin crying] We're all gonna die! [screen fades black. The next day, Huey comes in the kitchen]