The Loud House, Season 7

Lincoln:
Guys, this is the most perfect Christmas ever.

Lance:
[suddenly notices a spider on the fireplace while putting up the garland] AH! SPIDER! [grabs his brother's spatula out of the fruitcake and smashes it against the mantle, trying to kill the spider, thus bending it]

Lynn Sr.:
[freaks out when he saw that his brother accidentally damaged his spatula as he returns from the kitchen] Ah! My new spatula! [suddenly remembers what they were fighting about]

[Leonard and the kids all cringe]

Lincoln:
[to the viewers] Um, maybe I spoke too soon.

[End of Act 1; Beginning Act 2]

Lynn Sr.:
[swipes back his spatula; furiously to his brother] You did that on purpose!

Lance:
Did not!

Lynn Sr.:
Did too!

Lance:
Quit being such a weenie! It's just a dumb kitchen utensil.

Lynn Sr.:
[standing next to the exercise ball] Oh, yeah?! Well I guess this is just a dumb rubber ball, huh?

Lance:
[gasps] You wouldn't harm the the Ab Blaster, this one's the 5000!

Lynn Sr.:
Well, what can I say? We "weenies" are unpredictable. [tries to pop it with the spatula only for it to bounce off and hit him in the face, then rips it with his teeth instead]

[Lance reacts in shock and remembers what their fight was about]

Rita:
[covering Lily's eyes; angrily shocked] Lynn!

Lance:
[grabs a cookie off the tray] Say goodbye to gingerbread you! [bites the head off of the cookie, making Lynn Sr. grab his own throat in horror]

Sharon:
[covering Shiloh's eyes; also angrily shocked] Lance!

Lynn Sr.:
Say goodbye to… [tries to pick up Lance's kettlebell, but it's too heavy] Okay, not that. Ah-ha! [grabs the "ENDURE-LANCE" ornament from the tree, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it]

Lance:
[sees a present; reads label] "For Lynn." Ha! Not today, Santa! [soccer-kicks the present right out the open window, sending it miles into the forest] Goal!

Lisa:
Actually, that was for Lynn Jr.

Leonard:
[blasting an air horn, stopping his boys' fighting; irritated] For the love of Neptune, enough! Can't we just have a nice, quiet Loud Christmas?

Lynn Sr.:
I am not having Christmas with him.

Lance:
I'm not having Christmas with him.

Rita:
Well, we're all here for the night, so how are we going to make this work?

[Later, the two adult brothers have divided the mess hall in half for their families to have Christmas dinner on both sides]

Lynn Sr.:
[slicing a ham for his family on one side] Well, this works for me.

Lance:
[slicing tofu for his family on the opposite] Works for me, more.

Leonard:
[sitting in the middle with a big orange stripe painted right down his middle] Yeah, not so much for me.

Lynn Sr.:
Sorry, Dad, but it's the only way to make sure you don't take sides.