The Muppets, Season 1 (2015–16)

[Kermit, Scooter, and Uncle Deadly are hiding under a desk as Miss Piggy goes on a rampage]

Miss Piggy:
WHO REPLACED MY THICK SHARPIES WITH FINE-TIPPED SHARPIES?! I'M SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS, NOT WRITING THE BIBLE ON A GRAIN OF RICE!

Kermit the Frog:
I have a feeling this isn't about pen thickness.

Uncle Deadly:
I was fitting Piggy for a new dress...

Kermit the Frog:
Oh, no, no, you forgot to cut out the tag? She knows her size?!

Uncle Deadly:
Oh, please. I've woven such a cocoon of lies, she doesn't know what size, weight, or how old she is.

Miss Piggy:
LOOK AT THIS NONSENSE! PENCILS, HIGHLIGHTERS, A BACKSCRATCHER?! IF YOU'RE ITCHY, TAKE CARE OF IT AT HOME!

Kermit the Frog:
What is going on?

Scooter:
The Peoples' Choice Awards are coming up, and she doesn't have a date.

Uncle Deadly:
Shocking. She seems like such pleasant company.

Miss Piggy:
  HOW DARE YOU TRY TO CALM ME DOWN WITH CAKE! [pause] GIVE ME THAT CAKE!

[Miss Piggy leaves]

Kermit the Frog:
Wait here. [peeks out] Clear.

[Everyone emerges to find the office in ruins.]

Scooter:
Whoa.

[Dr. Bunsen Honeydew whimpers. Kermit, Scooter, and Uncle Deadly turn to see that he is holding a calendar with a pen sticking out of it]

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew:
I tried to offer her a ballpoint. [faints]

Uncle Deadly:
You've got to find that pig a date.