Trailer Park Boys, Season 4 (2004)

Nurse:
Can I help you?

Julian:
Yes, you can. My friend's got an abscess tooth. We need someone to take a look at it.

Bubbles:
No, we don't actually, Julian. Let's just get the fuck outta here. I'm fine.

Nurse:
I'm sorry sir, there's no smoking. And is this gentleman with you too?

Ricky:
Yeah, I'm fucking with him. What do you mean, there's no smoking?

Nurse:
And what is your problem, sir?

Ricky:
Well, now I can't smoke. That's my first problem. I got a busted nose which I now got a rag glued to, and a fucking truck glued to my hand. How's that for a start?

Conky:
And she's fucked in the head.

Ricky:
Conky.

Conky:
He needs a brain transplant.

Ricky:
(grasps Conky by his throat) I'm serious, you better fuck off.

Julian:
(moves Ricky's hand away from Conky) Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick.

Ricky:
You've been fucking with me all goddamn day here.

Nurse:
Washington, hold wide. Please, Washington. Sir, let's all just calm down.

Julian:
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Ricky:
You want a piece of me, you little dick? Huh?

Julian:
Ricky.

Conky:
Don't you touch me.

Ricky:
(punches Conky in the face) Stop fucking looking at me, Conky

Nurse:
What is the gentleman's first name?

Julian:
Bubbles.

Ricky:
Fucking dick.

Nurse:
And what is his last name?

Julian:
Uh... just Bubbles.

Ricky:
Get the fuck away from me, Conky. Get the fuck away from me.

Nurse:
Okay. And you gentlemen all live at the same civic address?

Julian:
(Points to Bubbles) He lives in my shed. (Points to Ricky) Ricky lives in his car.

Nurse:
Okay. Any health card social insurance numbers? Is there any information you can give me?

Ricky:
I do have one last bit of information for ya. (sticks up both middle fingers on both his hands, with the truck glued to his hand) This is called a double whammy, which I only bring out for special occasions, alright? So why don't you and your whole hospital fuck off, you won't help me. It's 'cause I live in a car? Is that what it is?

[the boys get apprehended by orderlies and are pulled from the nurse's desk]

Ricky :
Fuck! Holy fuck! You guys can fuck off!

Julian:
Guys, guys, guys, guys.

Ricky :
The fuck is this shit?! I live in a car, you won't fucking fix me up or help my friend?

Conky:
Nice going, Ricky.

Ricky :
Fuck you, Conky.

(the orderlies throw the boys out of the hospital)

Ricky :
Fuck!

Orderly:
Crazy octo-eyed motherfuckers.

Conky:
Frig off, Washington. (to Ricky and Julian) Are you happy now, Julian? Bubbles is gonna go into a coma and die probably, ya idiots!

Bubbles:
Conky, please, just don't taunt.

Julian:
Bubs, Bubs, don't worry about it. I'll get that tooth out somehow, alright?

Ricky:
(pissing on the side of the hospital) Who can go fuck whose self? No, you fuck off, you little fucker!

Julian:
Rick, who the hell are you talking to?

Ricky:
Fuckin' squirrel on my shoulder just told me to fuck off.

Bubbles:
Ricky, you're hallucinating!

Julian:
(pulls Ricky away from the wall) Listen, get a hold of yourself, Ricky. Ricky, you just pissed on me!

Ricky:
Well, you pulled me away!

Julian:
Listen, just pretend you're on mushrooms, all right? Just go with it. Come on, let's go.