United States of Al, Season 1

Al:
Is Michael Jordan in this game?

Hazel:
What? He's like 100 years old.

Art:
Hey. Who's playing?

Al:
Not Michael Jordan.

Art:
You good?

Al:
Oh, very good.

Art:
Good.

Al:
Hazel, you should stand up when your grandfather enters the room.

Hazel:
Why?

Al:
As a sign of respect.

Hazel:
What if you don't have legs?

Al:
Hazel, an elder is wise. Much like the rings on a tree, the wrinkles on your grandfather's face are the mark of experience and wisdom.

Hazel:
What if you're tied to the chair?

Al:
Stop finding loopholes.

Art:
You guys are messing with me.

Hazel:
Uncle Al says we have to stand because you're old.

Al:
No, no, no, Mr. Art. That is not what I meant. You are still very young. Mashallah. Not even a single bud from a thousand flowers of your life has blossomed yet.

Hazel:
You just said he was wrinkled.

Al:
I did not say that.

Hazel:
Yes, you did.

Al:
No, I didn't.

Hazel:
Yes, you did.

Al:
No, I didn't.

Art:
Calm down.

Hazel:
Grampy, can you get me some juice?

Art:
Sure.

Al:
Mr. Art, please wait. She is the one who should be getting you juice.

Art:
I don't want juice.

Al:
Doesn't matter. She needs to know her place in the family. She should sit closest to the kitchen so that if anyone needs anything, she can happily run and get it for them. The order should be the youngest by the kitchen, then the parents, then the guest, then the elders.

Art:
Yeah, that's not gonna work. Puts me too far from the bathroom. What flavor?

Hazel:
Grape, please.

Art:
Excellent choice. Pairs well with popcorn.

Hazel:
Yes, you did.